Wrong Timing!

If I could get some money for every time this question was asked any where all over the world, I would be the richest man ever (excluding Wise Solomon of course).

Scene A (Adulthood)

So I get home with her after a really fun night. If you had asked me at the beginning of the night I could not have imagined the night ending like this. She was actually in my house of her own free will. I met her about 5 weeks ago and we had been seeing each other quite often. We had become quite good friends if you ask me. Of course applying the Hem-Line theory, I had gotten ready for a very long thing as the lady in question seemed to be a 3/4 Hem line. Well there were a couple of drinks involved, but we have drinks every now and then so it was quite normal. You can imagine my shock when one thing led to three things and the next thing #gbam na kiss o. Three things led to six things and the next thing top had gone off, things were getting deeper and as the last ounce of blood was leaving my brain and the final hook on her bra was coming off, the dreaded question came.

What do you really want from me?

At that moment, the little that was left of my mind went very far. The question took my mind to a totally different scene from my childhood.

Scene K (Kidulthood)

I remember that day perfectly well. I was 7years old, I was going to the park and I asked Nene my friend to go with me, she agreed, we went to the park, got ice cream and we started playing. After playing for like 7 minutes, she turned to me and innocently asked

Why did you bring me here J.D.

Imagine the nerve? I looked at her for 10 long minutes, then I turned around and went home. Annoying pissant!!!

Back to Scene A

Now no offence ladies, I respect your gender totally and I have very good friends from your very alien race but I am human, very human. If there was ever a phrase to capture that moment, it would be this WRONG TIMING Missy. You missed the many, oh so many seconds between when we we met and now, you missed the moment when you said you were going to come home with me, you even missed the point where top met the space above your head. How you expect me a grown man like me to sincerely, truthfully and sensibly answer that question with no blood in my head makes me wonder if you really did Biology in just your nursery school. Shame on you and shame on your biology teacher.

Sadly I had no answer for the lady in question but this “Huh“. I don’t need to tell you dear readers that na so my nookie where shirt commot for house.

In that spirit, I have decided to put together the best of the best of the questions women like to ask at the wrong time.

Did you use protection? That in the precious moment just after you finished having sex

Somethings never cease to amaze me. I have tried and tried to wrap my mind around this and I have failed over and over again. Please someone help me explain this. I am coming to a conclusion that women just enjoy torturing men and yes, women are from somewhere in outer space.

Regards,

Single Nigerian Man

Disclaimer: I am innocent of any crime commited in or by this post

6 thoughts on “Wrong Timing!”

  1. I get the sense that the 3/4 skirt lady’s conscience attacked her. She got caught up in the heat of the moment and asking that question was a way of getting some assurance that what she was going to do could somehow be justified.

    Definitely wrong timing, but like you she’s only human. Cudos to her for bailing on your before actually getting down and dirty. And i guess i’m impressed that even with no blood in your brain, unlike some other male species of the human kind – you managed not to construct a string to lies to ensure you bagged her…

    It must be tough being a single nigerian man especially for those who chose abstinence as a lifestyle.

    1. Well said.. And I have been made to believe since then that ladies prefer lies in that situation to the truth. However I would rather say nothing (which most times is the truth) than lie my way into her pants. Good for her, bad for me like many men and women have told me.

  2. It’d be an understatement to say I absolutely enjoy your writing – said that to u a gazillion times already, yeah? If you could just keep writing without saying any words and leave those glasses on till forever – you’ll probably be writing a piece about feminine species like me who continually hound a guy, infilterate his space and wouldn’t let him be without giving him ‘any’. Like what exactly does she want?! Lool.
    Permit me to add to your list of such quesions: “Are we dating?” After a couple kisses, dates, PDAs etc
    Well done bro.

    xoxo

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