Thoughts of a Single Nigerian Man Pt. 1

I would like to write awesome posts, the ones that would make people go oooh and aaah, sadly I start out with something awesome and end up writing yet another bland post. I read the blogs of MsLuffa, TheRustGeek, Kiah among others and I wish I could write more awesome posts. Restricting myself to rantings about my single life sucks just a teeny little bit. Anyways off with that and on with todays post.. Different mumblings and jumblings of my mind as it ticks and shifts. Enjoy!

Processing…

If I was to talk about myself, I would say I was an onion with many different layers. Any attempt to peel the layers without the right tools and the right authorization would result in a very large amount of onion juice in your eye. I would say  I have a very inventive imagination and a rather uncanny ability to see things from outside the box. My views are very different from everyone else most times and I love doing the unexpected amd for that reason, many people call me weird, almost all the rest say I am complicated, the few that know me to some extent claim they love me and they are always worried about me. The why? I don’t know, maybe its because of the several screws that are loose in my head. I am a borderline insomniac and have insufferable mood swings. Are you worried yet? I am not.

Processing…

My blood pressure is very fine according to the doctor I saw last week Friday. She also told me I am HIV -ve and there was absolutely nothing wrong with me but malaria. I pleaded for sleeping pills, she prescribed some, the pharmacist however gave me only 3 pills of Lexotan. All efforts to get more fell on deaf ears. Maybe they think I am suicidal, I don’t know. I know I am not, I just want to sleep. Its 12.30 in the morning, it will soon be 1. I still cannot sleep. By 1 .30 the bees will start flying around me, they will make me lots of honey and I have no one to share them with. Please just give me some more pills, I swallowed the last one last night. I will go back for more in the morning.

Processing…

I went to my friends office today, I met a beautiful young lady at the front desk. I am sure she was very helpful, while she was trying to reach my friend, there I sat wondering what her cupsize was. B or C? Hmmmm.. I wonder. I can’t remember what we talked about.

Processing…

Breasts…. Breasts…. Ooops, get out of my mind. I am here for an interview. I quickly say the Lord’s Prayer and mind clears… She walks by shaking her luxurious behind… Bees start flying, I get out my bee swatter. I am here for an interview. Yet another she sitting beside me, wearing a skirt so vague it beats my understanding.. If a pin dropped and I had to pick it… Ooops I did mentally and I liked what I saw, now JT wants to get up and get close and personal. DOWN BOY!!!

Processing…

Dear Mary Joanna, where are you, its been so long  and I dearly and sorely miss you so. Mezie says it is difficult to reach you now. I haven’t kissed you in so long, I can’t sleep, please fix a date for when we can meet..

Dear MimiB, I strongly believe you are wrong with respect to the different ways in which men think. Have you ever seen a man who suspects his wife or girlfriend of cheating? Or heard a man’s single friends tell him why a girl does not like him? (overanalysis)? Have you ever heard a man justify why he is cheating on his partner? (black and white)? Ever seen a man when he hears that his mother who he loves so much is dead (emotionally involved)? Even better count the number of women with high blood pressure and compare it with the men (overthinking) . Sorry decided to write it here rather than leave another comment.

 

Processing…

I have written so much rubbish today, I think I would call it a day. Lets not even do the graphics

Regards,

Single Nigerian Man

Disclaimer: I shall not be held responsible for anything that happens on my screen after 12.30am. Its 1.21am at the time of posting.

Dear Lexotan, I need you more tonight than I needed you last night to help me to kill these damn bees.

In the words of Shaggy, It wasn’t me!!

17 thoughts on “Thoughts of a Single Nigerian Man Pt. 1”

  1. O_o.. JT getting distracted at an interview? Perhaps that was one of the tools in the young lady’s arsenal to score a tactical victory?

    I had a somewhat similar ‘breastperience’ at the house agency I stopped over yesterday (less the extensive mental processing of course RME).

  2. i am so glad my write ups touch you in many different areas (hehehe) but what does being blog wife entail???

    i hate it when i cant sleep too…i start talking to myself and end up getting strange stares from my flatmates in the morning!!!

    1. Blog wife? Anything you would like it to my dear ;). I make no demands, only offerings.
      *RME* @ flatmates. Seriously though, on nights like those, you should get a really boring book. Would take my advice but I am too lazy to get out of bed.

      1. well…what are you offering then? please note that i make loads and loads of demands!!!

        Number one is i need a new muse…my old one is seriously cramping my style…you any good as an inspiration??? 😉

        books, boring or not will not do the trick…i love to read so once i get started, na until the book finish oh!!!

      2. Next demand…help with my school assignments? and when i say help, its an understatement…you will probably have to write the whole bloody thing!!! :))

  3. Never read books when you cvan’t sleep, twill worsen the situation.

    Not to worry, you are in the league of TheRustGeek, Baroque, Kiah et al……

  4. Ha! funny, i use the onion to describe myself too. Simple yet complex.

    Ehya sorry ehn…i would offer you a pill out of my PACK of lexotan but…hehehe. I agree with rethots…if i read or so much as do anything actively, na to forget sleep be dat.

  5. lol so men really do think about cup sizes – hmm..

    pele about your lack of sleep – wish there was a cure for insomnia, got a few friends who have the same thing. I always wish I could share my sleep with them.

    take it easy.

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