Tag Archives: SingleNigerian

On 2016, getting hacked… And getting married!!

So before I say anything else, I would just like to say this…

I got hacked!!!

Oh yes, that happened and I am still shocked that after more than a year of inactivity, someone still thought me hack worthy.  I believe they will be back as well. And I am not entirely sure I have blocked all the leaks. That aside… Continue reading On 2016, getting hacked… And getting married!!

Tortoise Anonymous

Hello people, my name is Single Nigerian and I am a tortoise.

Now, do not confuse the name tortoise with slow, wisdom, longevity and all that. Neither should you confuse this with the greed that we have been taught of in our African folk tales. This is not why I am here.

My link or my claim to being a tortoise is in its shell. Continue reading Tortoise Anonymous

The X List

Show of hands, how many of you also feel like Vinnie my man is gauging the size and weight of a pair of boobs? Anyone? No? Nobody? Really? OK
Most people who know me well know that virtually everything holds a double meaning for me. How I carry on normal conversations each day without laughing out loud or going “Oouuh” in a meaningful way is really beyond me.
In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, love, romance and (let’s face it), gbainshing, I decided to share my point of view with y’all. ‘Cos I’m just that nice. Or is it naughty? Only Santa can tell, and the guy isn’t even real. Conundrum.
It’s so bad that a friend and I have a steadily growing list of words which we absolutely cannot say to each other; they are just that dirty in a coded way. Here’s a rundown of some of them.
Straddle
Hmm. My uncle once repeatedly used this word and I felt my heart beat faster as I grew hideously uncomfortable. I couldn’t escape though; we were in a moving car that was straddling a small gully in the road *covers face*
Hot (Oouuhh)
Come (To be used carefully and with the right tone of voice)
Open (As above)
Penetrate (As above)
Head (smh)
Juices
Private
Rub (Looooooooolz)
Rod *covering face and blushing*
Err… the list is endless o, and I sense a lot of people backing away slowly and giving me the fish eye. Let the matter rest here. Maybe it will rise (another one!) again some other day.
Feel free to share yours sha. Cheers.

@msmeddle

P.S.
Forgive me for the abandonment. Erm… Yes. Thanks. 🙂

P.P.S.
His Majesty has imported another woman. Yes. While I want to welcome her and stretch out a hand of friendship”, as they say, I also want to remind him of Lola Shoneyin’s The Secret Lives of Baba Segi’s Wives. He thought he was extra masculine by surrounding himself with his wives and their numerous kids. Turns out, none of said children were his.
*e-vil laugh*

 

image credit

Single Nigerian Meets MissMeddle – Literally…

Single Nigerian Man exposed at last
My darlings who no longer love me – if ever at all you did… I have gist. Fresh, hot, beautiful gist.

After our initial meeting, I was finally granted permission to meet His Majesty!! Let me give you the breakdown of how it all went down.

So then, there we were staring at each other, trying to match real life to all the chats and texts and calls and pictures. Then came the awkward moment. My mental calculator was rapidly measuring whether or not to hug him, if I should give him a side hug filled with shoulder blade, or bless him with a full frontal. Our guy, meanwhile, was peaceably leaning in for a bear hug.

So we ended up having a weird semi-full frontal (does this make any sense?!!). So, that little bridge safely crossed, we proceeded to sit down and argue over possession of the tv remote. That over and done with (I won, yay me!), we stared alternately at the tv and at each other.

OK, I must confess that this was when I began prattling on a bit. Yes, I yammered on about the inconsequential for a few minutes. Sigh. I was nervous. Personally, I’m much more comfortable with our virtual friendship and vague promises of meeting at undefned points in the future. I wasn’t sure I really wanted to be in the same room with him…

So we crawled along conversationally, with a few scattered laughs for extra flavour. At some point, your man made a comment about how I didn’t even seem happy to see him. Quite calmly, I explained to the individual that I could only be happy to see him if we’d had a prior meeting. As it was, he was lucky I opened the door, gave him the bony hug and let his feet cross the entryway.

All in all, though, it wasn’t a bad meet. I have finally met the invisible man. Congrats to me.

P.S.

Dear Majesty, to protect your reps, I will not tell them about that weird comment you made. You know the one.

P.P.S.

He also asked if I had any blogging gist for him. Little did he know that I would come up with this. Aren’t I evil?

Love,

Joy.

🙂

The Good Guys

For many who have read my articles and poems, it must seem like I do a lot of guy-bashing, abi? Well, my life with boys has not been all bad. I’ve met some really sweet, caring and romantic organisms with good qualities I could list from here to China… Lemme give you a quick summary.

The Really Sweet One

Lots of roses; so many , I had to give some away, love letters (yes, way back when), sweet smiles, my first kiss…

Teddy

My first taste of strawberries and cream, texting sweet nothings even when we were in the same room, always whispering compliments in my ear, meaningful hand-squeezes and secret smiles (we were disgusting with our PDAs), little gifts, making me feel GORGEOUS with the almost non-stop pictures. Sigh…

The Suitor

Caring, totally honest, eyes filled with puppy-love, frequent calls “just to see how I’m doing”. You meet this guy and instantly know he’s going to be reliable and consistent.

I know you guys like gist, but let’s stop there.

My point is, I have frolicked (!) with the good guys as well as the… let’s just say, not so pleasant ones. I do know that good guys still exist, they are out there walking amongst us like normal people.

Yes, I said it. Men are not all dogs. Some of them can be quite sweet and cuddly and cute (*batting eyelids*).

Sadly, though, I do not have a good track record with the above-mentioned lovely creatures. I tend to fall more heavily for the ones I have to work for just a lil’ bit; they pique my interest. Sorry, Good Guys, I truly am!

 

P.S. Single Nigerian Man has you all brainwashed, abi. So no one thought to even ask of me. No sweat. I’m off to have a good cry in a dark corner.

P.P.S. Abeg, all these guys in my life, don’t remember to revenge o! Think only Christian thoughts of forgiveness and peace towards me:-)