Tag Archives: Sex Etiquette

The Scarlet Diaries: Diplomatic Bedding

Don’t let the title fool you, I am in no way getting into the politics of this country,I’ll need more than just one post, every other day of the week.
Today I am talking about diplomacy in the Bedroom. What to say,what not to say and OMG! You said what?! Where do we draw the line?
Personally, I am a firm believer of action and saying what needs to be said, its better to say too much, than never having to say what you need to say. Sorry Mr. Mayer couldn’t resist..
[quote style=”boxed”]And my opinion is, If the sex is shit….. SPEAK UP! TALK IT! SAY IT! (Don’t oh!)[/quote]
Keep reading I’ll get there….

“Performance is Key,Size is an Illusion.” Quote me anywhere.

Do you know how many people walking around feeling like Kratos and Aphrodite?
They think they fell from Mount Olympus all because of being tactful, diplomatic?
‘Don’t say anything, you’ll bruise his ego or shrivel it’
‘She’ll scratch out your eyes, curse your generation’
E dey pain, I know, but there are ways these problems can be solved. Don’t go about cursing people oh, and say Scarlet sent you…LOL!
Think about it
‘Were those moans real’?
‘Were his grunts out of frustration cos you lay down there like a log of wood’?
One minute men KNOW! So do soggy noodles women…. I am sorry.
Wouldn’t you want to know how good you are in the sack? I would!!! If there was a Shag-o-meter I’ll probably have several.
That’s the performance part

Now the size part, this is tricky and another ball game. (Pun)
Because minus going under the knife, there is really no other way to enhance parts. We are all wonderfully and beautifully made.
So picture this, he is behind doing his thing and keeps trying to jiggle her behind. Dude! It won’t jiggle, she has a small behind!
The constant insults A-cups receive, it’s not their fault naaa..
Or imagine he drops trouser and u don’t know whether to ( -̩̩̩͡˛ -̩̩̩͡ ), pet it, giggle or beg to just cuddle.
Let’s face it, you have to know when you aren’t errrrm… Huge? Male or Female
And if you do,you better have skills, and if its too errrm big, there are ways around it #punveryintended
When people say
‘I don’t watch porn, it’s immoral, it’s funny, it’s not a turn on; blah blah blah but you are sexually active..See MUMU!!!
Yes I said it!
For those who do, google ‘Asa Akira’ she is the best thing from Japan since samurai…and hentai.
Anyways, I read Cosmopolitan like a maniac, because what is worth doing is worth doing well….YES? Hell Yes! 50 shades of Grey might be smut! But we all learnt a thing or too after reading it (for those who did).
Because there is nothing worst than after being plummed for hours, he falls asleep and you are lying there feeling cheated and frustrated. Or she has the body of Serena Williams, twerks like a video vixen and in the sack, you might as well inflate a doll and cuddle. Marriages and relationships have ended because of bad coitus, it is a BIG deal, sha I blame it on the previous people they’ve been with #justsaying

Life compensates,if you aren’t well-endowed,make up for it in mad skills and techniques. If you are well packaged male or female, doesn’t mean because you have the parts you won’t prove your ‘selling point‘. Some men think cause they are hung, they don’t need skills…… errrr WRONG! Same with women with racks the size of Russia and booty for miles.
Lady/Gentleman in the streets,Freak in the sheets…
Bentley and Danfo, dey go mechanic for ‘engine-tuning’
If you are of consenting age,sexually active or hyperactive
Remember this
Performance is Key, Size is an illusion’
Porn(movies,books etc) isn’t perverse, Kama sutra  isn’t unnecessary
Cosmopolitan( magazines not cocktail) isn’t trash, No Knowledge is wasted

Thank me later



Image credit to QueerIV and What She Said Boston