Tag Archives: Relationships

The Price of Achievement

So here I am again, about to write something serious. I can already feel my head twitching from the load I am about to drop on this page. Its Thursday, half the population in the office have already gone home i.e. half of the half left in the office from the Sallah trips. For once, the internet is fast enough to actually get some work done. I feel my presence reducing on the blogosphere, I don’t visit half the blogs I used to and the remaining half I visit i don’t visit half as much as I want to (ok that was me trying to be Bilbo). Had this thought last night, partially inspired by MsLuffa’s post on Ineligible Bachelors. It goes like so..

It is so very easy to focus on the prize of achievement and miss the goal, aim and focus of achieving

What on earth am I talking about? We want so many things in life, good jobs, flashy cars, beautiful spouses in their own rights, it is possible to focus on just those things for all our life and never get them. It is also possible to have our minds so fixed on them prices that we fail to appreciate not the amount of work but the type of work we would have to put in to get there.

  1. Good Degrees Yes we all go to schools with our parents  drumming it into our heads how we need to get that paper. How many of us actually have some idea in our head of what we can give to society after? Thought that was the whole idea of school in the first place? Raising kids that can be of benefit to their immediate society? So we go to school and the good ones among us spend four years so focused on getting that paper that they miss out totally on the social aspect of school. They come out with good degrees but have no idea of how to relate with people. Others spend four years cramming pages upon pages and come out of school with no idea of how to apply it. As for the people that sorted and cheated, God help us all. We miss the goal, aim and focus of that achievement which is being of benefit to the society as a whole.
  2. Marriage: It finally dawns on you that you are old enough to get a mate (your words not mine) and after searching and probing, and sharing your love seed with quite a
    Mr Men

    number of people, you find one. You do the motions and get married. Yes you got your price prize but then you forget one thing, marriage is not about the prize/wife. It involves being a husband and a father, things that some people are just not equipped for. What happens, they run out to start the prize hunting all over again. One chick there, another there, why? Prize will always be at home. Like Shaggy said “Whatever is good for the mistress is also good for the wife, else another man will come give it to her“. It does work both ways though and here is something I wrote a while back. This seems a good time to share it

    Some marry beautiful women, others have good wives. You can go anywhere with a beautiful woman, however she cannot handle a home. A wife is a centrepiece, everything revolves around her

    Maybe if we focus on the aim and goal of the achievement there would be less divorces. Maybe if we focused on making a home, so many homes wouldn’t be broken.

  3. Salvation: Yeah we all want to go to heaven, I mean I want to too but then it amazes me how many people want to be the only ones there. You get so focused on the price prize of heaven that you fail to remember that someone led you down the road to salvation so that you can lead the many who are still as foolish as you were to God as well. No need to talk too much here. You know yourselves. You don’t mingle with sinners, you have no time for backsliders, as for the people that try to drag you back you cut them off without the slightest hesitation and leave them to perish in their iniquity. Abeg biko na oyibo man risk malaria and plenty plenty things to come preach the good news for Africa biko. Spare your black brothers. Heaven no be for only you biko, at least carry person gum body.

My head is banging right now, Banging like mad. Will now go on a commercial break to resume this post later.

Washes even brighter and it shows

So off with the commercials and on with the post.

Just realized that there is a big difference between prize and price. One being like an end result and the other being the work done to get it. I am getting old sha, I actually left it as price initially. SMH!!!

Prize…?

This should be the prize…

The weekend is almost here… Wish you all a wonderful one

Regards,

Single Nigerian Man   

Disclaimer: You know the feeling you get when you write something and have no idea what you wrote? Having it right now.

About Jane Doe: She is my personal terrorist, a look, slight voice change and I break out in a sweat, I swear.

Baskets of Eggs…

Writing this post makes me remember A “Forest of Flowers” by Ken Saro Wiwa (God rest his soul), funny book that cracked me up silly. I remember two wise old sayings, “a bird in hand is worth two in the bush” and “don’t put all your eggs in one basket“. If you ask me today those are two quite conflicting statements if applied to chasing and toasting babes. Two conflicting statements that guys tend to apply to the same situations. Hmmm… Before I confuse myself and start speaking Mandarin, let me take it down some levels..

Lets take a typical guy, call him Specimen A (no link to the music group), he meets a nice looking girl, gets to toasting and actually likes her. Now all through the toasting Specimen A applies the first wise saying (1ws) toasts the bird in hand and leaves all the birds in the bush to catch the one so near at hand. However the minute Specimen A gets his precious birdie he applies 2ws, he puts his precious birdie in his basket and proceeds to chase all the birds in the bush. Now if that was the end of the story it would be good. However, dear Specimen A has a series of baskets lined up and he has decided that he must have a bird/egg in each and every one of them. Catch my drift?

I have tried to wrap my mind around this for a while now, I mean I have only space for one bird in my heart (God bless her soul) and while that bird remains there, I have no intention of doing bush waka. I mean its probably just me but then chasing a bird is actually stress. Talkless of 2 or 3 in the bush (shuo) that one pass government work because na still you go pay for the chase. Now for the men spreading their eggs around, chasing all the birds in the bush and getting away with it, I will say well done una try. As for me I refuse to either put all my eggs in one basket or spread them around in different baskets. If I catch any egg, na to boil am chop, Finish!!! No negotiation, no pricing. Why cry over a broken egg you could have fried and eaten?

As for birds… Hmmm. That is a story for another day.

Regards,

Single Nigerian Man

Disclaimer: None!!!

Thoughts of a Single Nigerian Man Pt. 1

I would like to write awesome posts, the ones that would make people go oooh and aaah, sadly I start out with something awesome and end up writing yet another bland post. I read the blogs of MsLuffa, TheRustGeek, Kiah among others and I wish I could write more awesome posts. Restricting myself to rantings about my single life sucks just a teeny little bit. Anyways off with that and on with todays post.. Different mumblings and jumblings of my mind as it ticks and shifts. Enjoy!

Processing…

If I was to talk about myself, I would say I was an onion with many different layers. Any attempt to peel the layers without the right tools and the right authorization would result in a very large amount of onion juice in your eye. I would say  I have a very inventive imagination and a rather uncanny ability to see things from outside the box. My views are very different from everyone else most times and I love doing the unexpected amd for that reason, many people call me weird, almost all the rest say I am complicated, the few that know me to some extent claim they love me and they are always worried about me. The why? I don’t know, maybe its because of the several screws that are loose in my head. I am a borderline insomniac and have insufferable mood swings. Are you worried yet? I am not.

Processing…

My blood pressure is very fine according to the doctor I saw last week Friday. She also told me I am HIV -ve and there was absolutely nothing wrong with me but malaria. I pleaded for sleeping pills, she prescribed some, the pharmacist however gave me only 3 pills of Lexotan. All efforts to get more fell on deaf ears. Maybe they think I am suicidal, I don’t know. I know I am not, I just want to sleep. Its 12.30 in the morning, it will soon be 1. I still cannot sleep. By 1 .30 the bees will start flying around me, they will make me lots of honey and I have no one to share them with. Please just give me some more pills, I swallowed the last one last night. I will go back for more in the morning.

Processing…

I went to my friends office today, I met a beautiful young lady at the front desk. I am sure she was very helpful, while she was trying to reach my friend, there I sat wondering what her cupsize was. B or C? Hmmmm.. I wonder. I can’t remember what we talked about.

Processing…

Breasts…. Breasts…. Ooops, get out of my mind. I am here for an interview. I quickly say the Lord’s Prayer and mind clears… She walks by shaking her luxurious behind… Bees start flying, I get out my bee swatter. I am here for an interview. Yet another she sitting beside me, wearing a skirt so vague it beats my understanding.. If a pin dropped and I had to pick it… Ooops I did mentally and I liked what I saw, now JT wants to get up and get close and personal. DOWN BOY!!!

Processing…

Dear Mary Joanna, where are you, its been so long  and I dearly and sorely miss you so. Mezie says it is difficult to reach you now. I haven’t kissed you in so long, I can’t sleep, please fix a date for when we can meet..

Dear MimiB, I strongly believe you are wrong with respect to the different ways in which men think. Have you ever seen a man who suspects his wife or girlfriend of cheating? Or heard a man’s single friends tell him why a girl does not like him? (overanalysis)? Have you ever heard a man justify why he is cheating on his partner? (black and white)? Ever seen a man when he hears that his mother who he loves so much is dead (emotionally involved)? Even better count the number of women with high blood pressure and compare it with the men (overthinking) . Sorry decided to write it here rather than leave another comment.

 

Processing…

I have written so much rubbish today, I think I would call it a day. Lets not even do the graphics

Regards,

Single Nigerian Man

Disclaimer: I shall not be held responsible for anything that happens on my screen after 12.30am. Its 1.21am at the time of posting.

Dear Lexotan, I need you more tonight than I needed you last night to help me to kill these damn bees.

In the words of Shaggy, It wasn’t me!!

The Rules of Shopping

Wrote this a long time ago, it still brings mixed feelings now I am reading it.. Anyways, enjoy!

This was inspired by an un-interesting day of shopping where I spent more time waiting than actually doing any shopping, I penned down a number of tips for us dudes when we do go out with women… Giving the gist will defeat the purpose of this post.

1.1. Leave your phone at home: This way if you conveniently get lost, you cannot be reached…
1.2. Offer to hold her phone for her…: This way even if you do get lost she can’t reach you, and as you most certainly do not want to be reaching her this makes it even better for her (sorry I actually mean you).
1.3. Act like you are interested in checking out things she is not interested in… This way you can politely get her to suggest that you both meet up at some place in the mall at a particular time(which she wont keep anyway).
1.4. Go back home immediately… Does that sound evil? You don’t have your phone, you have her phone, the probability of her using a payphone to call you is non-existent add to that the state of bliss she attains while shopping, the probability of her running into you (9/6,000,000,000, and that is not the number of people on earth; more like the number of people plus things to look at in a mall) and the fact that the happiest place a single sane man can be is anywhere away from a shopping complex. Everything together makes a pretty slim chance of discovery and a very presentable case if caught.
1.5. Having done all the number crunching and dodging, I finally settled for this: If you are not married to it, or intending to; kindly request to be left at home (including your mother)

N/B
The number of old men I had standing with me was quite larger than the amount of young men…
(Note to self, I must remember to carry 7 newspapers, 2 novels and one psp next time(for variety))

Finally: I must say that:
1. Anything done above is done at your own risk. In other words YOU ARE ENTIRELY ON YOUR OWN!!!
2. Please if you do try it, feedback will be much appreciated.
3. Please married men, and prospective ones, do not try this at home, or else you could become a prospective bachelor…
4. For any more information check number 1.

Finally…
If you think I am jobless, it took me three hours to think up this. Three hours I spent with lots of different old men (very patient old men I must add), no newspapers, books or psp’s and a persistently ringing phone(perks of going out with another person’s girlfriend; hence 1.5). Three very hot frustrating hours!!!
And I thought it up using totally unrelated events too, this is by no means related to a true life story. It is totally non-fictional. Oh that is a big lie.. It all happened and it happened to me.

Hehehe… Enjoy!!!

Regards,

Single Nigerian Man

Disclaimer: Need I say more? PLEASE DO NOT TRY THIS IN THE MOTHERLAND!!! Nigerian girls sabi cram phone number

Image credit

John Charity

Oh yes, a new movie, coming to stores near you. Dear Jeff, please meet me for more information.

They say charity begins at home, what they don’t say is where it ends up. Right now, I wonder why. Due to my nice nature, I am put in rather uncomfortable situations a lot of times. End up doing stuff for people I don’t like, go out of my way to help people who really can help themselves and the most annoying part… people get upset with me when I bluntly tell them to piss off…

Scene A, Girl A

Its 12am in the morning, right about that time where nothing good actually starts to happen. Rather than making attempts to get some, I am lying next to her wondering how on earth I managed to get myself in this mess (AGAIN!?!).

I like to twist normal everyday words, add some innuendo, shake it up a bit and then spill. It does get me into trouble a lot, but then I manage to blag my way out of it. Tonight the phrase that comes to my mind is “between a rock and a hard place”. Oh yes, that phrase, a point in time when like me you are lying next to a girl who isn’t date-able or sex-able… and who is madly attracted to you (thought it only happened in movies).

How did I get here? Ehmm!!! It started with me doing a favor for someone, continued with me trying to be nice and ended up with me in a highly uncomfortable situation (make I no too talk story). Now I am here and all efforts to jumpstart my engines have proved abortive (decipher as you please). So I sleep rather soundly too for the first time in a long time and promise myself not to do this again (just like I promised myself the last time)

Scene B, Girl B

What do you do when you have been looking forward to an event for so long and then the day finally arrives and the high point of the event gets cancelled? I have been preparing for a night out today, or a night in today with her. We were to either go dancing or just chill and watch movies, “all night” (which is the key word). I can see some people shaking their heads, but no, that is all that was planned.

It had been in the works for ages and ages… It was all ok at first, and then this week came and she refused to confirm now the day comes and she says oh no we can’t have a night out or a night in, we can only have an evening… She goes on to talk about some problems she be facing. I look at my phone and then calmly and quietly say ok in it. I shall see you later.

I am sitting now writing this post, with every intention of eating sweet potatoes and fish tonight, alone with my movies and my drinks. It can only be better than having an increasingly irritating night, listening to stuff you really are not interested in. Lessons from Scene A, are having a rather large impact on my thinking process. Once bitten, twice shy they say, I say learn from the previous man’s bite or else, learn from your narrow escape.

Scene C (For future reference)

This is how it plays out in my head, every single time

Girl: hey
Me: hey dear…
Girl: are you busy?
Me: not really…
Girl: please I need your help
Me: sorry I can’t help you.
Girl: but you don’t know what I want to ask for?
Me: true, but you only buzz me when you want something.
Girl: well its a 2 way thing its not like you buzz me or talk to me…
Me: yeah I know so let’s keep it as a 2 way thing. I don’t buzz you when I need something, kindly do the same.

In summary my dear sweet female/male friend, kindly piss off

Yeah I know, some people like to tell themselves how important they are by the number of times they get asked for help. I totally agree, but then Charity is a name formed as a means of giving to people in need, not people who just want something just for the heck of it, people well capable of getting it themselves but who just can’t be bothered. I believe in the whole D.I.D. (damsel in distress) thing. But you can’t be Beyonce yesterday singing “Single Ladies”, be Margaret Thatcher tomorrow speaking “equality”, then remember me today just because you feel just a lil bit vulnerable. I refuse from today. My middle name is not charity. I hope it stays that way

Picture of the day

If you ask me, this is the dumbest piece of self inspiration I have heard in a while. I am single and I am miserable and every other single person I know, feels the same way. Seems motivation nowadays means lying to yourself repeatedly till you start to believe it.

 

Foolish talk of the day

Can’t remember if I read it or someone said it to me, but then for the guys who tell the girls that they only want to put the tip in, what on earth is that? For the ladies that do agree (oh yes I know those were our teen days), do you understand that the tip is right about the only part of a man’s penis that can’t get you pregnant? Oh you know that already? Foolish child!!

Next Research

Word on the streets is that prayer does make things happen. Letting it slip that you had a vision about the lady you marry being from a particular tribe will make things happen (thanks for that info by the way, you know yourself). I fully intend to look into that.

Regards,

Single Nigerian Man

Disclaimer: I am beginning to realise that people may read this blog and think there is something seriously wrong with me. Don’t worry, I think so too, its alright for you to tell me. For the people that actually do know me, it wasn’t me that wrote it o!!!

Dear Jane Doe, where are you?

I am now Royally Pissed!!!