Tag Archives: MissMeddle

The X List

Show of hands, how many of you also feel like Vinnie my man is gauging the size and weight of a pair of boobs? Anyone? No? Nobody? Really? OK
Most people who know me well know that virtually everything holds a double meaning for me. How I carry on normal conversations each day without laughing out loud or going “Oouuh” in a meaningful way is really beyond me.
In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, love, romance and (let’s face it), gbainshing, I decided to share my point of view with y’all. ‘Cos I’m just that nice. Or is it naughty? Only Santa can tell, and the guy isn’t even real. Conundrum.
It’s so bad that a friend and I have a steadily growing list of words which we absolutely cannot say to each other; they are just that dirty in a coded way. Here’s a rundown of some of them.
Straddle
Hmm. My uncle once repeatedly used this word and I felt my heart beat faster as I grew hideously uncomfortable. I couldn’t escape though; we were in a moving car that was straddling a small gully in the road *covers face*
Hot (Oouuhh)
Come (To be used carefully and with the right tone of voice)
Open (As above)
Penetrate (As above)
Head (smh)
Juices
Private
Rub (Looooooooolz)
Rod *covering face and blushing*
Err… the list is endless o, and I sense a lot of people backing away slowly and giving me the fish eye. Let the matter rest here. Maybe it will rise (another one!) again some other day.
Feel free to share yours sha. Cheers.

@msmeddle

P.S.
Forgive me for the abandonment. Erm… Yes. Thanks. 🙂

P.P.S.
His Majesty has imported another woman. Yes. While I want to welcome her and stretch out a hand of friendship”, as they say, I also want to remind him of Lola Shoneyin’s The Secret Lives of Baba Segi’s Wives. He thought he was extra masculine by surrounding himself with his wives and their numerous kids. Turns out, none of said children were his.
*e-vil laugh*

 

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Single Nigerian Meets MissMeddle – Literally…

Single Nigerian Man exposed at last
My darlings who no longer love me – if ever at all you did… I have gist. Fresh, hot, beautiful gist.

After our initial meeting, I was finally granted permission to meet His Majesty!! Let me give you the breakdown of how it all went down.

So then, there we were staring at each other, trying to match real life to all the chats and texts and calls and pictures. Then came the awkward moment. My mental calculator was rapidly measuring whether or not to hug him, if I should give him a side hug filled with shoulder blade, or bless him with a full frontal. Our guy, meanwhile, was peaceably leaning in for a bear hug.

So we ended up having a weird semi-full frontal (does this make any sense?!!). So, that little bridge safely crossed, we proceeded to sit down and argue over possession of the tv remote. That over and done with (I won, yay me!), we stared alternately at the tv and at each other.

OK, I must confess that this was when I began prattling on a bit. Yes, I yammered on about the inconsequential for a few minutes. Sigh. I was nervous. Personally, I’m much more comfortable with our virtual friendship and vague promises of meeting at undefned points in the future. I wasn’t sure I really wanted to be in the same room with him…

So we crawled along conversationally, with a few scattered laughs for extra flavour. At some point, your man made a comment about how I didn’t even seem happy to see him. Quite calmly, I explained to the individual that I could only be happy to see him if we’d had a prior meeting. As it was, he was lucky I opened the door, gave him the bony hug and let his feet cross the entryway.

All in all, though, it wasn’t a bad meet. I have finally met the invisible man. Congrats to me.

P.S.

Dear Majesty, to protect your reps, I will not tell them about that weird comment you made. You know the one.

P.P.S.

He also asked if I had any blogging gist for him. Little did he know that I would come up with this. Aren’t I evil?

Love,

Joy.

🙂