Tag Archives: Men in distress

Thoughts of a Single Nigerian Man Pt. 1

I would like to write awesome posts, the ones that would make people go oooh and aaah, sadly I start out with something awesome and end up writing yet another bland post. I read the blogs of MsLuffa, TheRustGeek, Kiah among others and I wish I could write more awesome posts. Restricting myself to rantings about my single life sucks just a teeny little bit. Anyways off with that and on with todays post.. Different mumblings and jumblings of my mind as it ticks and shifts. Enjoy!

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If I was to talk about myself, I would say I was an onion with many different layers. Any attempt to peel the layers without the right tools and the right authorization would result in a very large amount of onion juice in your eye. I would say  I have a very inventive imagination and a rather uncanny ability to see things from outside the box. My views are very different from everyone else most times and I love doing the unexpected amd for that reason, many people call me weird, almost all the rest say I am complicated, the few that know me to some extent claim they love me and they are always worried about me. The why? I don’t know, maybe its because of the several screws that are loose in my head. I am a borderline insomniac and have insufferable mood swings. Are you worried yet? I am not.

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My blood pressure is very fine according to the doctor I saw last week Friday. She also told me I am HIV -ve and there was absolutely nothing wrong with me but malaria. I pleaded for sleeping pills, she prescribed some, the pharmacist however gave me only 3 pills of Lexotan. All efforts to get more fell on deaf ears. Maybe they think I am suicidal, I don’t know. I know I am not, I just want to sleep. Its 12.30 in the morning, it will soon be 1. I still cannot sleep. By 1 .30 the bees will start flying around me, they will make me lots of honey and I have no one to share them with. Please just give me some more pills, I swallowed the last one last night. I will go back for more in the morning.

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I went to my friends office today, I met a beautiful young lady at the front desk. I am sure she was very helpful, while she was trying to reach my friend, there I sat wondering what her cupsize was. B or C? Hmmmm.. I wonder. I can’t remember what we talked about.

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Breasts…. Breasts…. Ooops, get out of my mind. I am here for an interview. I quickly say the Lord’s Prayer and mind clears… She walks by shaking her luxurious behind… Bees start flying, I get out my bee swatter. I am here for an interview. Yet another she sitting beside me, wearing a skirt so vague it beats my understanding.. If a pin dropped and I had to pick it… Ooops I did mentally and I liked what I saw, now JT wants to get up and get close and personal. DOWN BOY!!!

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Dear Mary Joanna, where are you, its been so long  and I dearly and sorely miss you so. Mezie says it is difficult to reach you now. I haven’t kissed you in so long, I can’t sleep, please fix a date for when we can meet..

Dear MimiB, I strongly believe you are wrong with respect to the different ways in which men think. Have you ever seen a man who suspects his wife or girlfriend of cheating? Or heard a man’s single friends tell him why a girl does not like him? (overanalysis)? Have you ever heard a man justify why he is cheating on his partner? (black and white)? Ever seen a man when he hears that his mother who he loves so much is dead (emotionally involved)? Even better count the number of women with high blood pressure and compare it with the men (overthinking) . Sorry decided to write it here rather than leave another comment.

 

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I have written so much rubbish today, I think I would call it a day. Lets not even do the graphics

Regards,

Single Nigerian Man

Disclaimer: I shall not be held responsible for anything that happens on my screen after 12.30am. Its 1.21am at the time of posting.

Dear Lexotan, I need you more tonight than I needed you last night to help me to kill these damn bees.

In the words of Shaggy, It wasn’t me!!

It’s a Guy Thing aka Men ‘o’ pause (Now Manopause)

Men ‘o’ pause has now been changed to Manopause for writability sake (and it does sound and look better too I must admit)

I went to bed last night and the last thing that crossed my mind was you Jane Doe, right before I drifted off. I woke up this morning and the first thing that crossed my mind again was you, the next thing that crossed my mind was “Why one earth hasn’t she buzzed me, is she ok?” On a good day I wouldn’t bother, I would chill, prepare for my work day and start it. Not today though, today I lay back in bed and I started wondering, wondering what is, what could be and what is not.. Rather than bother you with my thought processes about Jane Doe, let me get somethings off my chest.

I understand that women and men are very different in very many areas. I understand that women are mainly guided by how they feel about something at a particular moment, but its like women fail to realise one very important thing about men… Men operate with timelines. Yes timelines.  If something doesn’t happen at the time it is expected we are patient for a while longer and then we begin to fret. We may not say anything but we DO fret. And a quietly fretting and worrying man is just an accident waiting to happen. It is worse if we do talk about it half and half or we talk about it and nothing happens, why? Because you made him actually say something and you nothing happened after he did. At least that is off my chest.

That brings me to the the wonderful new word that was crafted in my brain right in the middle of my confused state of upset, anger, sadness and sense of impending misery. The word is men ‘o’ pause (hehe.. reading the word right now just gives me the laughs, actually makes me feel better)

Need I say more?

Men ‘o’ pause |ˈmen -ə-ˌpȯz: is the exact moment a male begins to ask himself what on earth he is doing with a particular female. This female could be a friend, a girlfriend or even a wife.

Now that is defined on to the main purpose of my post…

Causes of “men ‘o’ pause”

  1. He likes her but she don’t like him enough, yet she is willing to waste the time he could have spent looking for someone else.
  2. She wants him to chase her in the exact way and manner she desires, and while she doesn’t say how, she is willing to wait till he finally
    Had enough?

    gets it right. But puts him down like a dog anytime he doesn’t

  3. She is leaving town for a long time and while he is willing to be in the relationship, she says she is scared of long-distance and is not willing to try and see if it works out and then she expects him to stick around. Yeah Right!!!
  4. One of my favourites. He is chasing her and she likes him but won’t date. She also likes Okafor, Olumide and Oliver and she talks about themall the time. Truth, none of them are even up to him. “I can’t put all my eggs in one basket dear, I need to make something out of myself”. Words she tells him repeatedly.
  5. He waits on her constantly, is there for her when she needs him and at the end of the day she says “I am bored, I need some action”
  6. No guy likes being unsure of where he stands with a woman, it makes them cranky, quickly irritated and very suspecting. All the attributes women hate in a guy. If you like him let him know, if you hate him let him know and then please desist from eating his money or wasting his time. Just free them in every sense. They will hate you but then they won’t do you bodily harm
  7. There comes a time in every man’s life when they really need to be alone. Not because they are mad at you, but because frankly the world sucks at the moment and they will just like to feel miserable for a day or two. You have your menses we have that, so please respect it. It is not a time to nag or tell us to get up on our feet and stop feeling miserable. If anything comes out of your mouth it should be consoling, else save it… Do it long enough and…
  8. There is friend for food, friend for fame, friend for money and friend for problems… If a woman can be categorized into one of them areas then it is likely she wouln’t last long in a guys life. More the pity if she actually likes him.

To all the sisters out there that look down on a brother because he doesn’t suit you at the moment, not enough money, too far away, not good enough, not bad enough, not prayerful enough, etc. Guess what? It actually makes us feel really bad and it can make an entirely wonderful day start out crappy

Funny how no one wants to date a Pastor, but everyone wants to marry one? Especially when they are successful. Twill surprise you how many women have God fearing man as number one on their list

DISCLAIMER: This isn’t meant to offend anyone though frankly I wrote it feeling really pissed (so forgive any grammatical errors). I know many fine and outstanding young ladies. I am not sexually discriminating anyone, just stating the obvious in quite subtle ways.. PS Jane Doe, I still love you.

Sometimes, women just piss me off big time. This is one of them. I shall stand in front of the mirror each money and recite to myself repeatedly from this day henceforth.

John Doe is single 

And I shall do it Naked!

Regards,

Single Nigerian Man

Please, do not let the sun go down on your anger!!!