Tag Archives: Jane Doe

The Price of Achievement

So here I am again, about to write something serious. I can already feel my head twitching from the load I am about to drop on this page. Its Thursday, half the population in the office have already gone home i.e. half of the half left in the office from the Sallah trips. For once, the internet is fast enough to actually get some work done. I feel my presence reducing on the blogosphere, I don’t visit half the blogs I used to and the remaining half I visit i don’t visit half as much as I want to (ok that was me trying to be Bilbo). Had this thought last night, partially inspired by MsLuffa’s post on Ineligible Bachelors. It goes like so..

It is so very easy to focus on the prize of achievement and miss the goal, aim and focus of achieving

What on earth am I talking about? We want so many things in life, good jobs, flashy cars, beautiful spouses in their own rights, it is possible to focus on just those things for all our life and never get them. It is also possible to have our minds so fixed on them prices that we fail to appreciate not the amount of work but the type of work we would have to put in to get there.

  1. Good Degrees Yes we all go to schools with our parents  drumming it into our heads how we need to get that paper. How many of us actually have some idea in our head of what we can give to society after? Thought that was the whole idea of school in the first place? Raising kids that can be of benefit to their immediate society? So we go to school and the good ones among us spend four years so focused on getting that paper that they miss out totally on the social aspect of school. They come out with good degrees but have no idea of how to relate with people. Others spend four years cramming pages upon pages and come out of school with no idea of how to apply it. As for the people that sorted and cheated, God help us all. We miss the goal, aim and focus of that achievement which is being of benefit to the society as a whole.
  2. Marriage: It finally dawns on you that you are old enough to get a mate (your words not mine) and after searching and probing, and sharing your love seed with quite a
    Mr Men

    number of people, you find one. You do the motions and get married. Yes you got your price prize but then you forget one thing, marriage is not about the prize/wife. It involves being a husband and a father, things that some people are just not equipped for. What happens, they run out to start the prize hunting all over again. One chick there, another there, why? Prize will always be at home. Like Shaggy said “Whatever is good for the mistress is also good for the wife, else another man will come give it to her“. It does work both ways though and here is something I wrote a while back. This seems a good time to share it

    Some marry beautiful women, others have good wives. You can go anywhere with a beautiful woman, however she cannot handle a home. A wife is a centrepiece, everything revolves around her

    Maybe if we focus on the aim and goal of the achievement there would be less divorces. Maybe if we focused on making a home, so many homes wouldn’t be broken.

  3. Salvation: Yeah we all want to go to heaven, I mean I want to too but then it amazes me how many people want to be the only ones there. You get so focused on the price prize of heaven that you fail to remember that someone led you down the road to salvation so that you can lead the many who are still as foolish as you were to God as well. No need to talk too much here. You know yourselves. You don’t mingle with sinners, you have no time for backsliders, as for the people that try to drag you back you cut them off without the slightest hesitation and leave them to perish in their iniquity. Abeg biko na oyibo man risk malaria and plenty plenty things to come preach the good news for Africa biko. Spare your black brothers. Heaven no be for only you biko, at least carry person gum body.

My head is banging right now, Banging like mad. Will now go on a commercial break to resume this post later.

Washes even brighter and it shows

So off with the commercials and on with the post.

Just realized that there is a big difference between prize and price. One being like an end result and the other being the work done to get it. I am getting old sha, I actually left it as price initially. SMH!!!

Prize…?

This should be the prize…

The weekend is almost here… Wish you all a wonderful one

Regards,

Single Nigerian Man   

Disclaimer: You know the feeling you get when you write something and have no idea what you wrote? Having it right now.

About Jane Doe: She is my personal terrorist, a look, slight voice change and I break out in a sweat, I swear.

Stress: The week so far…

Before I say anything else, can you please look at the picture and tell me where you lie?

Me: Insomnia, loss of appetite, fatigue, more fussy, alienation, indecisions, impaired judgement, frequent illnesses (not infections) restlessness and plenty other things oyibo people no sabi.

This was supposed to be a unusually worded rant about many things in particular but for a timely word from my daily devotional (a daily devotional I have not touched in a while I must confess). So without further ado here I go..

My health: After a pretty busy weekend, I woke up on Monday spewing forth bloody spitums (as my medical friends would call it). First thought that crossed my mind? Not again, I had the same thing the last Monday but it went. Seemed my endeavours over the weekend just brought it out again. Did I forget to mention that this would be my 8th or 9th trip to see a doctor this year? The thing hs everybody going crazy, but I know what the problem is. I need to spend 3 weeks of intense loving up with Jane Doe, so I tell myself. Truth, I need to get my God life back in play, for reals.

My job I know how I can go on and on about my job, but then this is the only place where I can take 4days off or die and no one would be really bothered unless Goodluck asks for something that is directly connected to me. I mean, any other place and I would have gotten the sack, the dump or the crap beaten right out of me. They had better fix my medical insurance soon though or else I will play dead.

Celibacy Dear bloggergood, I have decided to go celibate. No more flirting, or having evil thoughts about the female species. I solemnly swear to abstain from all manners of innuendos too as much as it pains me… Affected parties take note. Jane Doe is exempted of course (I jest). Reading 1 Corinthians 5 today scared the piss out of my bladder(s).

Oliver Twist Finally watched some Oliver Twist videos. There was one some people were going crazy about so I sought it and I found it. While the babe in the boxers had some astonishing moves, all my eyes went on going to were the mounds of flesh on her thighs *now shudders*. I am not judging though, my mirror tells me I suck, all the time.

Death With all the wahala this week I found myself thinking of death, well not the actual act but the following:

  1.  With all the ruckus that would happen on twitter, facebook and bbm if I passed on, I cannot help but wonder. What is it about death that makes us all go teary eyed? Please no bb updates, writing on my wall or twittering. Thanks.
  2. If I were to die, I would like to go out with a big bang. Sword in one hand, gun in the other, yelling and spitting insults in the face of a million foes. Death by blood from the chest or from lovesickness or some other wussy thing is not how I want to go *shudders*. Not at my age (no offence to all those in the hospital).

So I am here at work this morning, I have finished with all my activities for the week including catch up on past activities. I am now blogging, reading blogs. My dearest twinny has buzzed me already to get my chest checked out. I have to go too, I need it, before I get a deathwish (no pun intended).

This is not how I blog usually, there must be something wrong with me. Have to go back to babe bashing, theory forming and general nonsense.

With regards,

Single Nigerian Man

Disclaimer: All yarns above were totally conceived in my mind and in no way have any relation to anything or anyone you know. I am not suicidal, I am stressed, if you know a love doctor or a snurse(sex nurse), please refer.

May the celibacy begin.

Now what picture to use…

 

 

Down my Rabbit Hole!!

Its a good day today, I have a good feeling in my heart, maybe it’s because I saw Jane Doe last night, maybe it isn’t. Today I have decided to deviate from the norm and take you a few layers deeper. Follow me down my rabbit hole…

Now everyone blogs nowadays, for different reasons, for different purposes. For some na marketing strategy, for others na to gain popularity, others blog like a diary for the first two purposes, yet others just use it as a way to air their views. Some do it because that’s what everyone else does, while others like me do it out of a serious case of boredom. I have four blogs, have been blogging for nearly 4 years and for some weird reason, this one blog has gotten more hits in two months than all the other blogs combined in the past 3 years. I would love to wonder why, but then I don’t really care. Funny how I start a post and end up somewhere else.

Like I said I would deviate from the norm and write a serious post today, something I would usually write on one of my other blogs.

Last night I remembered the parable of the talents. The servants that invested their talents and the foolish one that buried his for fear of his master and it made me start thinking…

Loads of times a lot of us that have some sort of presence whether in the blogosphere, in the entertainment world or in the world in general. Do/write loads of different things and then sprinkle some Jesus on it to make it look slightly better. I wonder how that works..

I thought about the talents as our salvation and what we make of it. There are the people who are out there doing all they can with it, doing the winning of more souls, the ones who touched us well enough to kneel down and make the decision to serve as servants. There are the ones like me who choose to bury their talents, bury their salvation saving like its an account in First Bank, waiting for the day we can cash in and go straight up to heaven.

As if saving it is not enough we make reference to the content of the account every now and then, sounding like heirs to riches that don’t show in the manner which we live our lives. In summary, the account we claim to have is one that we share with millions of other people worldwide and what we don’t realize is that by the time we want to cash in on them talents, one of two things could happen,

  1. You could have forgotten where you buried them in the first place.
  2. Someone else would have been given what was meant for you.

I know my God is merciful and he forgives all who sincerely ask him for forgiveness, but then the bible doesn’t tell us what happened next in the life of the sinner who asked for forgiveness in the story of the Pharisee and the sinner. The bible does tell us that all who  Christ saved here on earth were told to go and sin no more.

I try to live right, I try to put myself out there every now and then and while some people would applaud themselves for making an effort, (I would rather be a sheep than a goat) I feel just trying every now and then is simply not enough.  I wonder why we would rather bury our talents than use it, God left 99 sheep to get you (if we were to go biblical), sacrificed many for your sake,  from the early Christians who were burnt, boiled in oil, beheaded along with many bad bad things to Martin Luther who suffered excommunication to get the word as it is to the common man. I strongly believe I should be part of yet more sacrifices to save one more lost sheep.

So to all the people sprinkling Jesus as salt to spice up their life for just a little bit, be sure of one thing, when the rains come, all that water will wash that salt right out of your life (just saying). Am I a hypocrite if you base this on all my posts? Maybe. Am I sprinkling salt? Maybe. Am I stating what I strongly believe? A quiet yes will suffice.

This is a deviation from the norm though. Maybe it’s because Jane Doe is around.

Regards,

Single Nigerian Man

Simple Poetry

How can you call yourself a soldier?

You have a sword you don’t use,

A shield rusted with disuse,

How can you serve him?

I would say many things… Amongst them a search within me for truth as I should see it not as I have been taught. Amongst them a bid to finally catch Jane Doe.

Dear MsLuffa, this is for you. Your blog posts in so many ways, remind me of what should be, remind me of what I may have forgotten.

 

John Doe, signing out.

 

 

 

John Charity

Oh yes, a new movie, coming to stores near you. Dear Jeff, please meet me for more information.

They say charity begins at home, what they don’t say is where it ends up. Right now, I wonder why. Due to my nice nature, I am put in rather uncomfortable situations a lot of times. End up doing stuff for people I don’t like, go out of my way to help people who really can help themselves and the most annoying part… people get upset with me when I bluntly tell them to piss off…

Scene A, Girl A

Its 12am in the morning, right about that time where nothing good actually starts to happen. Rather than making attempts to get some, I am lying next to her wondering how on earth I managed to get myself in this mess (AGAIN!?!).

I like to twist normal everyday words, add some innuendo, shake it up a bit and then spill. It does get me into trouble a lot, but then I manage to blag my way out of it. Tonight the phrase that comes to my mind is “between a rock and a hard place”. Oh yes, that phrase, a point in time when like me you are lying next to a girl who isn’t date-able or sex-able… and who is madly attracted to you (thought it only happened in movies).

How did I get here? Ehmm!!! It started with me doing a favor for someone, continued with me trying to be nice and ended up with me in a highly uncomfortable situation (make I no too talk story). Now I am here and all efforts to jumpstart my engines have proved abortive (decipher as you please). So I sleep rather soundly too for the first time in a long time and promise myself not to do this again (just like I promised myself the last time)

Scene B, Girl B

What do you do when you have been looking forward to an event for so long and then the day finally arrives and the high point of the event gets cancelled? I have been preparing for a night out today, or a night in today with her. We were to either go dancing or just chill and watch movies, “all night” (which is the key word). I can see some people shaking their heads, but no, that is all that was planned.

It had been in the works for ages and ages… It was all ok at first, and then this week came and she refused to confirm now the day comes and she says oh no we can’t have a night out or a night in, we can only have an evening… She goes on to talk about some problems she be facing. I look at my phone and then calmly and quietly say ok in it. I shall see you later.

I am sitting now writing this post, with every intention of eating sweet potatoes and fish tonight, alone with my movies and my drinks. It can only be better than having an increasingly irritating night, listening to stuff you really are not interested in. Lessons from Scene A, are having a rather large impact on my thinking process. Once bitten, twice shy they say, I say learn from the previous man’s bite or else, learn from your narrow escape.

Scene C (For future reference)

This is how it plays out in my head, every single time

Girl: hey
Me: hey dear…
Girl: are you busy?
Me: not really…
Girl: please I need your help
Me: sorry I can’t help you.
Girl: but you don’t know what I want to ask for?
Me: true, but you only buzz me when you want something.
Girl: well its a 2 way thing its not like you buzz me or talk to me…
Me: yeah I know so let’s keep it as a 2 way thing. I don’t buzz you when I need something, kindly do the same.

In summary my dear sweet female/male friend, kindly piss off

Yeah I know, some people like to tell themselves how important they are by the number of times they get asked for help. I totally agree, but then Charity is a name formed as a means of giving to people in need, not people who just want something just for the heck of it, people well capable of getting it themselves but who just can’t be bothered. I believe in the whole D.I.D. (damsel in distress) thing. But you can’t be Beyonce yesterday singing “Single Ladies”, be Margaret Thatcher tomorrow speaking “equality”, then remember me today just because you feel just a lil bit vulnerable. I refuse from today. My middle name is not charity. I hope it stays that way

Picture of the day

If you ask me, this is the dumbest piece of self inspiration I have heard in a while. I am single and I am miserable and every other single person I know, feels the same way. Seems motivation nowadays means lying to yourself repeatedly till you start to believe it.

 

Foolish talk of the day

Can’t remember if I read it or someone said it to me, but then for the guys who tell the girls that they only want to put the tip in, what on earth is that? For the ladies that do agree (oh yes I know those were our teen days), do you understand that the tip is right about the only part of a man’s penis that can’t get you pregnant? Oh you know that already? Foolish child!!

Next Research

Word on the streets is that prayer does make things happen. Letting it slip that you had a vision about the lady you marry being from a particular tribe will make things happen (thanks for that info by the way, you know yourself). I fully intend to look into that.

Regards,

Single Nigerian Man

Disclaimer: I am beginning to realise that people may read this blog and think there is something seriously wrong with me. Don’t worry, I think so too, its alright for you to tell me. For the people that actually do know me, it wasn’t me that wrote it o!!!

Dear Jane Doe, where are you?

I am now Royally Pissed!!!