Tag Archives: Introduction

It has been a while. Apologies..

It has been a while people, truth be told, I actually cannot remember the last time I blogged in here. I know it had something to do with HD and Toyin but then…

Hope you all are good? This is just to say bear with me/us, I made a big blunder here on the site and happened to lose close to a year’s worth of posts and most of the pictures on the posts. This brought about the need to take down almost all the available posts and slowly start bringing them online one after the other. Continue reading It has been a while. Apologies..

Introducing: Single Lagos Girl and a Giveaway.

No, I am not giving away a Single Lagos Girl.

It has been a while. Some work has been going on behind the scenes and it has been done in the hope that the experience on here and the frequency of posts will improve.

First of, I will like to introduce the latest guest blogger, Single Lagos Girl. Well single as long as she can as she is, well… *coughs*. In the coming weeks she will be engaging us all with posts about her experiences.

Secondly, I apologize to all the readers who have been viewing the site and posts with their phones as I am sure the experience has been horrible. That has been sorted out and will be for the upcoming months. Apologies again.

Thirdly, unless an Act of God occurs, I do intend to finish my Letter Series, start up my Zone Series and if possible, start up a Diary as well of events that have happened in the past. If you have followed this blog till date, I will be using terms that I and Chinese Old Man will have coined up. No offence meant Shi Fu.

The year is winding down and it has been all sorts of awesome. Met amazing people, started an amazing journey (I never marry o). And I am grateful. So… To wrap up the year, there will be a giveaway. For more information about the giveaway, please visit the page. Now the giveaway starts up on Monday the 4th of November and will be running till the 10th of December, so there technically isn’t anything you can do yet, please do come back on Monday.

There will be blog posts (I promise) and there will be another announcement before the year runs out. Thanks so much for being a part of the journey.

Regards,

SNM

Disclaimer: This is probably the first serious thing I have written in a long while. Please do take it seriously :).

In Other News

Can we welcome Single Lagos Girl on here. To the people who have been here right from the beginning. Thank you, names are plenty, too many to be mentioned, but many thanks.

If you know any organizations willing to get a bullet proof vehicle for me? I don’t want a limo or a Range. I would like a Land Rover Defender or Toinlicious. Thanks in advance.

I am sorry, no S4 this year people.

14383
God will richly bless you

Single Nigerian Meets MissMeddle – Literally…

Single Nigerian Man exposed at last
My darlings who no longer love me – if ever at all you did… I have gist. Fresh, hot, beautiful gist.

After our initial meeting, I was finally granted permission to meet His Majesty!! Let me give you the breakdown of how it all went down.

So then, there we were staring at each other, trying to match real life to all the chats and texts and calls and pictures. Then came the awkward moment. My mental calculator was rapidly measuring whether or not to hug him, if I should give him a side hug filled with shoulder blade, or bless him with a full frontal. Our guy, meanwhile, was peaceably leaning in for a bear hug.

So we ended up having a weird semi-full frontal (does this make any sense?!!). So, that little bridge safely crossed, we proceeded to sit down and argue over possession of the tv remote. That over and done with (I won, yay me!), we stared alternately at the tv and at each other.

OK, I must confess that this was when I began prattling on a bit. Yes, I yammered on about the inconsequential for a few minutes. Sigh. I was nervous. Personally, I’m much more comfortable with our virtual friendship and vague promises of meeting at undefned points in the future. I wasn’t sure I really wanted to be in the same room with him…

So we crawled along conversationally, with a few scattered laughs for extra flavour. At some point, your man made a comment about how I didn’t even seem happy to see him. Quite calmly, I explained to the individual that I could only be happy to see him if we’d had a prior meeting. As it was, he was lucky I opened the door, gave him the bony hug and let his feet cross the entryway.

All in all, though, it wasn’t a bad meet. I have finally met the invisible man. Congrats to me.

P.S.

Dear Majesty, to protect your reps, I will not tell them about that weird comment you made. You know the one.

P.P.S.

He also asked if I had any blogging gist for him. Little did he know that I would come up with this. Aren’t I evil?

Love,

Joy.

🙂

Once Upon a Stranger

the invisible man? where?
Single Nigerian Man

On a dark, warm night somewhere in Lagos not too long ago, a stupendously beautiful girl (okay…me) sat fiddling around with a (borrowed) laptop. Was it fate that caused her to Google “single Nigerian blogs”? One wonders. Whatever force lay behind it, though, Google she did. Somewhere on the first result page (practically at the bottom), she hovered a while before finally clicking. And there our story begins.

There she discovered an entity, Single Nigerian Man, who tickled her something. Abeg o! I mean, he aroused… erm, ignited… sparked?! Mstcheew. He didn’t bore me within the first five minutes, sha. So I read his views on a wide array of random and serious <cough> issues, getting slightly freaked out with every word.

On paper… erm, screen, we seemed the perfect kindred spirits! Weird, abi? He too dreams of that ultimate no-holds-barred relationship. He too couldn’t care less about the size of his wedding- personally, 10 people on my guest list is more than enough. He too gets derailed by his healthy imagination every time he opens his mouth. He too believes firmly in old-fashioned romance, despite the ubiquitous evidence to the contrary. I could go on, but sense I should stop.

So it was with sweaty palm that I put pen to paper… Okay, ah! I sent him an email applying for the advertised slot, you know, so I could work under him.

On his blog!

Thus began our little… hmm… acquaintanceship? Work relationship? Whatever you wish to call it. Already, there are things I do not like about him. This is a good thing, though. Now, the first thing my bff told me when I relayed this gist to her was, “I don’t want all the details now. I can forgive anything, but IS HE FINE?!”. Let me answer that here. Short of the ajebo-looking feet everyone else has seen, I haven’t the slightest clue what he looks like. He is one of those. People who blog anonymously in order to discuss things they know they would be disowned for…

Anyway, he sounds (relatively) reasonable over the phone, so let’s give him a break. So far, we have tweeted and texted and emailed. There is yet hope of redemption for him, jare.

From now henceforth, my bff (see above) shall be known as Dahling! since this is what I actually call her.

Also, Single Nigerian Man shall be known as either His Majesty (HM) or Not-So-James-Bond (NSJB). Heehee… looks like New King James Version, abi?

Till next time, children. Ciao! 🙂

Con Artist

Heels

I feel rather fraudulent being here. This slot is meant for a “single Nigerian girl”, yet I contradict the definition of every word in that phrase.

The single part feels false because, no, I am not “tearing up” clubs on the arm of numerous interchangeable toasters. The Nigerian part because, no, I have never pounded yam before, nor am I fluent in any Nigerian language. Finally, we get to the crux of the matter.

Why I Am Not a Real Girl

= I do not wear make up… makeup??? How is it spelled? :-s I quite simply have no interest in it on myself, maybe I’m just lazy.

= I don’t make small talk. This is a statement and a warning to all.

= I do not wear heels. No, they are not for me. Perhaps in a fit of boredom, I may steal a pair to take pictures in, but that’s it.

= I am never as well put-together as real girls; my hair out of place or generally just too casual-looking.

= My girlfriends once joked that, knowing me, I would probably get married in jeans and slippers if I could get  away with it. For some reason, they looked horrified when I said, “Why not? There’s always white jeans.”

= When it comes to guys, I am not at all lady-like. If I like you, I see nothing wrong in walking up to you and saying hi. I have a long list of good friends, stalkers and pests to prove this.

= I travel light. Unlike many girls I know who look like greedy pirates making off with precious booty (all for a two-week trip), two medium-sized bags are more than enough for me.

= Handbags are sooo not my thing. I lug them around when I must, but that’s it. We are not friends.

= When it comes to anger, I do not explode on the spot, hair, nails and breakable objects flying. I walk away and then, when you least expect, sit you down and calmly inquire as to what exactly drove you to piss me off.

= Finally, when a guy presents a cut finger to a real girl, she will fawn over him, soothing and massaging, crooning on about his strength and bravery, all the while feeding his eyes with acres of cleavage. I, however, will probably ask how it happened, poke gingerly at it, lean back and say, “You’re a big boy, don’t worry, it’ll be fine.”

All these concrete reasons notwithstanding, Single Nigerian Man has decreed me worthy of the title of Single Nigerian Girl, so here I am. His majesty has spoken.