So I came across this very interesting flowchart. And y’all know how much I love flowcharts. Continue reading The Wire: Can you be Friends With Benefits?
Hello, Scarlet here. How have you crazy kids been doing? ‘Miss me’? I missed you all 🙂
Had a crazy couple of weeks, but I am back now. And while I was away, I have been thinking a lot about our ‘p-choices’/’friends with benefits or whatever colorful names there are out there.
Being a single person has its highs, lows and rock bottoms. And contrary to popular belief, choosing to remain single isn’t always a choice thing. To each his own, abi?
Oh well, here are a set of rules I try to live by. These are my own rules, y’all are entitled to yours but like I said to each his own. However please read, contribute as best as you can, your comments are very much appreciated.
So so so… If you are a single person, and you are either getting it on a regular maybe you are in a close proximity P zone and you do not have high demanding job then you are the lucky one. (#np Youth- Daughter)
The rest of those who are having trouble maybe because ‘the land is dry’, or your p is far, he lives in Festac and you live in Ajah 5th roundabout, (Lagos and their endless LGAs. And lekki roundabouts? Even Epe,Eleko and that Sango place after VGC claims Lagos , I am tired!) I also feel sorry for you,it happens long distance p-setting can be so irritating. Why even bother? However any more talk on Lagos P-setting can and will not be done today. Ok ok, so I believe every single, ‘blood-dey-hot’ person must know this;
Rule #1 P is P!: Lemme explain…..it doesn’t matter how many times you get the P! Hell! The less the better, that leaves you craving more P. So it’s good, delaying gratification makes the experience that much intense than getting it on a regular. There is also the Law of Diminishing returns (for the ones that can relate). So even if you get it everyday, or once a month.. P is P, It’s all in your mind and your raging ‘whoremoans’ LOL. Try not to attach too much to it.
Rule #2: Some Ps are greater than others! Imagine,like 5 guys or girls are on your case,if you can juggle….I say go for it. You are an adult. Just remember to take the necessary steps. Protection is paramount, whether it’s your heart you are protecting or your ‘uglies’. Dexterity is a skill some lack(e.g. Me) so I like to make a scale of preference in a notepad (more economics) YES! I do that…bite me. So if that works for you, please, don’t be shy, get a note book, (speaking to the ladies now) write down names, likes, dislikes, hygiene; does he smell like sex or food? Or does he just smell? Does he chew with his mouth open? Is he certifiable (by that I mean are is he in need of psychiatric help)? Does he have a funny name that u can’t imagining screaming during *clears throat*(Names can be a deal breakers) I know its p, but once in awhile, you get to see them eat, shower and even cry (don’t ask) and in some rarest of cases meet a family member.
Arrange them in any order you like. Me, I want an orderly,organised life, sex inclusive, so I like to know where my problem is coming from. Some Ps are greater than others, the sooner you learn this the better. So you aren’t lying down there chanting ‘WTHell was I thinking, wthell was I thinking’ while he jack-rabbits his way to the end.
Rule #3: Not everyone deserves your P! This goes for both men and women! I know being single is HARD and like I said b4 bodi dey hot… Ladies,you know when you have had a long day and you just want to go home and have your feet rubbed or soak in a tub for two, or just cuddle? Oh men stop scoffing, I know there are days you want to go home and it feels like you stepped into a cliché Nollywood scene. Woman at the door to take off your jacket and help with your bag and shoes. Hot meal on the table with a cold beverage, a hot bath and maybe sex? But you settle for leftover refrigerated noodles (for those who don’t cook), a quick cold shower, too ease of the day’s stress and a boner, that personal assistant gave you cos of her ridiculously tight, short gown which of course you are probably too tired to tend to. It sucks (pun intended)
I know I digress and it’s sha difficult, but please please please. Your P is special, not everyone deserves it and this doesn’t in any way conflict with rule #1. Rule #1 talks about duration.
RULE #4 P-setting isn’t for everyone: P-setting is a contract,a mutual ‘psychic’ arrangement between two consenting adults to have sex with as little emotion as possible ( I say psychic because most times you are expected to just understand your F-buddy and not to ask too many questions or expect too much). A friend of mine told me something ‘If she can give her body,she can give her heart’ And I said ‘y’all must think women are mashed ripe plantain in human form. I have met STRONG women that DON’T CARE whether you call or text…Life goes on, you aren’t feeding them. And I know CLINGY, whiny men, so its an individual thing. If its too hot, get out of the kitchen!
I.E. if setting- P isn’t not your thing, don’t do it.
WARNING!!! DO NOT FALL for a P! Because you have been P-Zoned, you aren’t the custodian of the mumu button. In fact, chances are you’ll never find it, so just keep it fun and physical. So on that note, I bid you farewell. I hope I have been able to help, in your quest for ‘love, sex and others…*aherm* Jara ‘ things in this ever competitive world…. E no easy oh! Have a fun hump day
This is one battle that will never be won, too much fraternizing with the ‘enemy’ (by enemy I mean the opposite sex; by fraternize I mean sex)
As a woman, I’ll write from MY views…
So I was at the salon the other day and I overhead some girls ‘gisting‘, even in hush tones I knew it was interesting gist so I listened.
- Girl A : Men eh!!! Na wah oh, so he just started behaving like nothing happened after how amazing the sex was?
- Girl B : Yes oh. Whenever I called him, he would answer sounding all business like, nonchalant or he is driving or in a meeting.
- Girl A: sorry dear, I know you liked this one, at least you got yours *giggles* Na wah Men are so annoying.
- Girl B: I swear I am not even bothered; I am so done with him and Men in general!
At this point I almost chipped in ‘Honey, not by a long shot’ which would have been rewarded with a shitstorm of insults or even a slap, so I scoffed LOUDLY and returned to the Nollywood I was watching.
Let’s be honest, the truth now; lie it down on the table or floor, or bed, or even nail it against a wall … Sorry. The truth is, if amazing sex guy calls girl b, she’ll go see him, like sheep to slaughter, like the proverbial moth to a flame…. You know why? Good sex
Good sex is unbelievably Hard… Difficult to find and she(Girl B) is probably thinking of all the deeply sick things, non-chalant/amazing sex guy did to her and she is thinking of getting some more of that drug.
*np Pusher Love Girl -Justin Timberlake*
She’ll probably not say this to her friend and her friend might be in this EXACT situation…lol
Then imagine if it was mind-altering sex…Ah! You know that kind that returns your brain to the original factory setting and you forget how to form words.
That kind of sex that turns you to a heap of Flesh, bone and sweat. I call this particular ‘drug’ LSD (the ick is silent of course)
What is LSD?
You can’t tell me, you’ve never had LSDICK! That’s the ish (I’ll get back to this)
So where was I?
Oh yeah.. the Battle of the Sexes
So even if by some miracle, men and women form same sex alliance to take down the other side… I am so sneaking off to go fraternize with the enemy. Women reading this, stop rumpling face jo! You know I speak the truth.
We have partially won all the other wars; Females go to school, vote, females are leading nations
But the day a woman won’t be judged for having a voracious sexual appetite will NEVER come. The Feminine Version for the word ‘Stud’ is Ho, it’s unfortunate but true, so instead of all this ‘battle of the sexes’ let’s ease off all that stress with good ol’ sex. Life is already too serious as it is. Pretense and Prudence won’t get you some, so please fraternize as much as possible. Those memories will keep you company when you are old and grey.
As for my Darling Men, I love you guys, but you are a serious thorn in my flesh and a Pain in my behind *pun unintended or intended if you are into that sort of thing*
You know why? Subtlety isn’t in your dictionary, of all the things that I know that upsets women, it’s that feeling of being used and discarded, not saying I don’t like being used.. Lol! Just don’t toss me. Maybe because as a man you lack this inherent ability, and we were probably too busy ripping off each other’s clothes to discuss, the ‘benefits’ of our agreement.. Still… Don’t run….
Let me let u in on a secret, it’s easier than you think. I am assuming Girl B is above consenting age, so all I want to say is… ‘Wean’.
Withdrawal syndrome is the reason some women get all psycho-bitch and crazy, Wean her of LSD don’t cut her off like a diseased part of fruit.. That shit isn’t cool. If the sex was good then it can’t be so horrible to give her a taste a few more times. Oh wait, you tell her you have a girlfriend and don’t want to hurt either one of them, it was a mistake, blah blah blah, no one slips and falls into a vagina..
Nope, it is a conscious effort to cheat (if that is in fact the truth). I think that Men have run out of reasons to dump a woman, but let me just say it is cruel to just stop answering her calls or replying her messages.. Wean her off you, if you were meeting every day, change it to 3 times a week, then once week, if you reduce the attention you are giving her, she will look for attention elsewhere and in time… Of course there is a risk that she’s fall deeper and deeper in love with you, the neglect might be a turn on for some (Awesome Turn-on for most..LOL, but then that’s the small fine print)
Oh wait, I have another solution, I know men like to be all macho and be the best in the sack but maybe just maybe start doing rubbish.. Oh shit, women talk… she’ll spoil your market. Na wah oh there really is no middle ground with this.. At the end of the day, the truth is, our heads turn to mush when it comes to the opposite sex, there really isn’t one way to deal with everyone. Maybe in his mind being distant is a good way to go, cruel as it is. It works. Weeks will pass by and the girl will forget that amazing sex from LSD and move on….(This story is far from over)
I have digressed so much I have forgotten what I was talking about… Oh yeah! Fraternizing oh so sweetly with the other side..Going Rouge! Switching sides and positions… Ok, I am done
Men! Women!ENJOY!! The little pleasures of life
If he/she becomes distant,move on! There should be some other dude out there willing to slip and fall into some naughtiness *wink* wink*
Have an awesome hump day(Wednesday)
Be careful what you wish for, ‘cos you just might get it. And when you do, it may not be all you cracked it up to be.
So you get to that point in your life when you feel you’ve fooled around long enough, and it’s best for your health to try to have an actual relationship. OK. Enter possible partners. Watch yourself fixate on the absolutely intolerable habits of each new person who comes your way.
- This one smokes, and doesn’t look like someone who appreciates drastic lifestyle changes.
- That one is of a different religious inclination and you simply cannot put up with such a wide gap in belief systems.
- Bobo e has an eye that positively glints when anything female passes within a 50 mile radius.
- This sisi will run you into an early financial grave if given half the chance.
An alternate title for this post would be: The Big “But”.
You find someone who seems relatively normal, who is of the same religious inclination, who you are certain you could introduce to your family at some point down the line without being laughed out of the house, someone who meets at least some of your physical specs, a creature with tangible goals and visible struggles to attain said goals, but …
But he doesn’t make you laugh, or she doesn’t turn you on (this is me making a joke; this is near impossible for a healthy man), or he’s unforgivably short, or she has a cruel H-factor accent…
Another title for this post could be “Self-Sabotage”.
What is the problem, really? Is your little “reason” enough to let go of a rather “okay” person? Or is it something else? Maybe a little more baggage than most? Maybe just a fear of the unknown? An unwillingness to try out something… someONE new?
This weird post is really just me trying to figure out some things. And also find out if anyone out there goes through such complications in the Man-Woman things of life.
God grant us all the patience to sift through possibilities, the tolerance to endure the compromisable, the strength to walk away from the destructive, and the wisdom to tell the difference.