Tag Archives: African Men

SNM Chronicles – The Problem With Strings

When I was young-er, I thought a lot of things of the world. I thought Nigeria was awesome, I thought I could prosper as an ashawo, I thought I would have gone around the world by now, I thought imagination was all I needed, I thought a no strings attached relationship was a myth.

I am now young and I realise that all these things should remain as they are. As thoughts, except for the last one. A no strings attached relationship has remained a myth.  Continue reading SNM Chronicles – The Problem With Strings

Baskets of Eggs…

Writing this post makes me remember A “Forest of Flowers” by Ken Saro Wiwa (God rest his soul), funny book that cracked me up silly. I remember two wise old sayings, “a bird in hand is worth two in the bush” and “don’t put all your eggs in one basket“. If you ask me today those are two quite conflicting statements if applied to chasing and toasting babes. Two conflicting statements that guys tend to apply to the same situations. Hmmm… Before I confuse myself and start speaking Mandarin, let me take it down some levels..

Lets take a typical guy, call him Specimen A (no link to the music group), he meets a nice looking girl, gets to toasting and actually likes her. Now all through the toasting Specimen A applies the first wise saying (1ws) toasts the bird in hand and leaves all the birds in the bush to catch the one so near at hand. However the minute Specimen A gets his precious birdie he applies 2ws, he puts his precious birdie in his basket and proceeds to chase all the birds in the bush. Now if that was the end of the story it would be good. However, dear Specimen A has a series of baskets lined up and he has decided that he must have a bird/egg in each and every one of them. Catch my drift?

I have tried to wrap my mind around this for a while now, I mean I have only space for one bird in my heart (God bless her soul) and while that bird remains there, I have no intention of doing bush waka. I mean its probably just me but then chasing a bird is actually stress. Talkless of 2 or 3 in the bush (shuo) that one pass government work because na still you go pay for the chase. Now for the men spreading their eggs around, chasing all the birds in the bush and getting away with it, I will say well done una try. As for me I refuse to either put all my eggs in one basket or spread them around in different baskets. If I catch any egg, na to boil am chop, Finish!!! No negotiation, no pricing. Why cry over a broken egg you could have fried and eaten?

As for birds… Hmmm. That is a story for another day.


Single Nigerian Man

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African Beau Wonder

This cracked me up just a little bit when I thought of it. Yeah, that dude you saw laughing on the street at absolutely nothing at all? That was probably me. I have focused plenty on the sisters in my last couple of posts, I will return to them after this. Today I am bringing it home, to my brothers, the special ones out there, the ones who I have got so much love for.

Now I see them, the special ones, they look like models straight out of GQ, well dressed, tight haircuts, handsome faces (no I am not an extremely happy man) and bodies that make me look in the mirror and go green. They are all over the place, the ladies love them and I can’t fault that. If I was a woman, I would love them too.

Location: all over the UK

Time: Sometime within the last 4 years

I have been noticing, staring and observing these A.B.W’s and rather than beef from a distance I decided to walk up to one of them and ask, HOW ON EARTH DO YOU LOOK LIKE THAT? I look like an athlete, like a female friend of mine said around that period, I look fit and all. Now I don’t know who she thought she was lying to, but I totally did not eat the banana..(Regardless of what anyone says, I do believe it is impossible to wash soap). I mean, I look in the mirror every now and then… Wait, back to the post.

So I walked to my special brother, this amazing specimen of dude and I as I hailed him, his respond (yes if he responded right now, I would be entirely right to leave that gbagaun there, I was that shocked) made me pause, rewind and replay his response over and over again… Now if I could break it down to you dear reader, I would say the following…

  1. If you speak with an accent and the accent is h-factor inclusive then it is suspect.
  2. If you speak with an accent and add nna men when you speak then it is suspect.
  3. If you speak with an accent and you did not have a basic primary or secondary education in that country, then your accent is suspect.
  4. All the above strictly apply to the English Language only.
  5. I understand that English people shell, but they shell like English people.. If you speak with an accent but shell like a Nigerian, I have no words for you

Now that is out of the way, not counting the number of gbagauns I heard, plus the fact that the conversation made no sense to me after 5 to 10minutes, I left my A.B.W. sorely disappointed. There I was looking to my special ones, my superhero, for the secret to getting the ladies around me, there I was again looking distraught. Now no offence to all my special brothers out there, but I love John Doe, when he isn’t in front of a mirror. I think I will stick with him. If it was between being a portrait and being a gorilla (no gorilla is too good for me). I choose gorilla. Gorilla sef dey marry.

Would you want to be or like to have an A.B.W.?


Single Nigerian Man

Disclaimer: Please this has no reference to anyone around me, that I know of. Na just yarn I dey yarn.

Can someone please tell facebook to give me back my notes?

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