SNM Chronicles – Nookie Problems

So I woke up this morning thinking about this and it is such a big deal at this point that I do have to get it off my chest. Before I do however, I would like to apologize once again from the extended hiatus. How are you all doing? Good? Good!?!

Ok.. *clears cobwebs, cracks fingers*

 

So I guess some or most of us have been in that wordless, sleepless struggle with the opposite sex about sex. Whether to have it or not. Hands probe, gets slap. Lips probe, gets hand, repeat every 5 minutes till one person gives in. My question today is WHY!?!

I mean, a guy comes over and says he wants to sleep over, a girl calls and she wants to sleep over. Why don’t you lot AGREE on what can or cannot be done beforehand and save yourselves stress?

By agree I am sure you know that I mean both people give their consent mentally and verbally?

I am sure some guys will willingly sleep on the floor or have the woman sleep on the floor instead of giving themselves the pleasure of blue balls just because madam only wants her breasts touched for the night not bothering to tell dude that breasts are ALL he is going to touch for the night.

Now before the ladies come up with their defence which will include calling men animals and all, lacking self control, etc. I have this question..

Have you ever, ever, ever, seen an animal stalk his prey diligently, have the prey cornered, lick it and walk away? So why make a guy go through all the motions and I mean every single motion just so he can get a hand-job?

Oh wait, I am supposed to keep this clean.

I mean, unless your last name is Daniel or whatever his Babylonian name was, you don’t expect to enter a lion’s den when it is hungry and expect not to give up some *coughs*. Same way you don’t expect to invite a lion into your *coughs* ho.. Excuse me.

You don’t expect to bring a lion into your home and not get bit. Unless it is a cub of course. And we all know even cubs nowadays done been listening to a lot of Katy Perry.

There are special cases when dog only eats dog and lion eats only lion but of course we will leave those cases for now.

Abi wetin you think?

If you get that text by 8pm, it is not a crime to ignore it till the next morning biko. That’s what I am going to be doing.

Tip: Delete that Whatsapp today.

Apologetic Regards,

SNM

Disclaimer: It gets increasingly difficult to put things up here. My genius is sadly overrated by everyone; including myself

In Other News

I wonder why people start waxing scriptural in the months leading up to and after the wedding.

I wonder why people wake up at night to bind and cast the people in the village who are after all they have. Village people that happen to be sleeping too.

Nigeria is… I don’t even know again. I haven’t read the news in ages. Can anyone tell me what’s going on in Nigeria?

7 thoughts on “SNM Chronicles – Nookie Problems”

  1. Lol. Funny post. But then, lots of us wants to have a little experience and still be whole. You know? For me, that’s me, I say it always, if you’re not the hubby, let’s just hug, if I’m kind, full hug, but then, even that leads to lion activities.
    Nigeria is…I don’t know. I have migraine. JC, I miss YOU. No, not that. Just that.

    1. So you will travel 20km to another man’s bed to go and hug him? See eh, may the Lord guide your hand to the BBM hug smiley. Oya say AMEN!!!

      I am sure Jesus Christ misses you too. *hugs*

  2. So, every man is perpetually horngry? And is an animal (reference to the stalking, licking, preying analogy)?
    But then again, why are you accepting an invitation to go and sleep over in man’s bed if you people are still on the level of defining and setting frontiers and boundaries ? Did the bed in your house break?
    Anyway, what do I know sha?
    SNM, who chased you from her bed? This post sounds like something that came from the darkest of the night. LOL..Doh o!

    People wake to cast and bind in the middle of the night cos evil looks covet times, places etc. and with the darkness shrouding their activities, most evils are perpetuated at such times….evil like ” Hands probe, gets slap. Lips probe, gets hand,”

    #StayWoke

  3. I’m with HD…who hurt you bruh?!? lol.

    Anywho, if testicles that share the same color as the sky are an issue, introduce yourself to Palm-ela and some lotion (and a napkin, or old sock, or whatever). Otherwise, just play the game. Afterall, it is you men who set the rules to begin with.

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