I had to scrounge around for a bit upstairs to get a title for this post. Threw a few around and ended up with what you see above.
We have all heard about the don’ts of relationships for guys. Don’t do this and don’t do that. What girls hate guys doing, blah blah blah.. Decided to do it from a different perspective today.. Mine!! Here they are in no particular order with something similar to an explanation alongside. They are the things I check out for when I first meet any girl and the points I deduct from the 100points I start out with.
- Feet -25points: I have always had this weird fascination for feet, it tells me a lot about a girl. How she cares for her body, her hygiene, her background, her home and how much effort she put into looking good before meeting me. Now how on earth can I get all that from looking at her feet? Lol.. Dirty feet tells me a lot, you walk around without slippers in a not so clean house, or you don’t wash your feet when you bathe (and other places too), you don’t pay attention to details, etc. If you want to know waddup with a girl, rather than spend hours conversing with the girl, check the heels of her feet. Honorary mentions go to squished up toes (from tight shoes), nasty toes, big feet (no offence) and fat feet (no offence my sister has these). All honorary mentions are in no way related to dirty feet. I just like them slender and clean so I can massage them without cringing in my mind.
- The Phone Calls -10points: So we planned to see today and you just can’t stop picking your phone to chat with different people. Oh before I forgot we were just meeting to have dinner and you spent 40-70% of the time talking in your native language. Yes, yes, I am beefing, I speak only English, but beef aside I do think its quite rude because you are actually conversing with them rather than having a conversation with me (no ladies, I have not had the opportunity to bore you yet). I am an understanding guy however so that’s just 10points.
- Nollywood -17points: You watch Nollywood movies (all of them) and are quite abreast with situations happening in that forest. You know what goes on in movies and you know what goes on outside of them. As if that is not enough you think it is ok to attempt to educate me on the goings-ons in that place. To top it up, you don’t read books, novels, but you also watch Bollywood movies (-20 extra points). No beef ladies, but I believe anyone who follows Nollywood movies thinks the following; a) my mother is evil and my stepmother is even worse b) There is a high possibility I will play her jibiti c) I am going to make an attempt to see her knickers just because I took her out to dinner. The list is plenty and is quite tiring, carry your wahala and go jare.
- You look at me suspiciously when I try to pay for the dinner -12points: Yes this is a no-no for me. I wouldn’t go out on a date with you if I didn’t want to pay for it. At least that’s what gentlemen did back in the day. If I wanted to sleep with you, I would take you to dinner after, not before, cos last time I checked no one liked having sex on a full stomach (it is uncomfortable). Thanks to Margaret Thatcher and Beyonce however, I will forgive you.
- Miss Bossy and Miss Touchy -40points: Oh yes you keep touching me to make a point. Touching I said not caressing or rubbing me in a quite sexy way. Babe please, that stuff freaks me out. I can hear and understand English. Sign language doesn’t require touching just in case the first two fail. And we just met, why are you trying to change plans without my consent.
- Holy Martha -35points: Yes I do understand your need to preach the gospel. I do understand the need to convert me before I start attempting to “cop a feel“. I do understand that you think I am going to try and take you home after dinner. However, you had the opportunity to preach to me when we were chatting and while we were scheduling the date. I do not understand why it has to be now I am trying to get some calories in my system you decide to open your mouth. There is a time for everything
- You are not Jane Doe -75points: I don’t even need to explain this. My heart only has one space for one.
So there they are, my top 6 don’ts. If 2 or more happen, the chances that you will see me again are rather slim and close to zero. If all of them happen chances are you owe me some points. Some guys might overlook some of these things if the babe fine well well and she get better ikebe. Not me!! Enough of the babe bashing, time to woo my Blog Wife.
Single Nigerian Man
Disclaimer: If you think this is directed at you, then it probably is. If you think it makes sense, I know it doesn’t. For all the people who have tried hooking me up to someone and failed, this is why. If you think this is a disclaimer, it isn’t.
Dear Blog Wife, where on earth are you?
Search for Single Nigerian Babe continues
QOD: If lesbians claim to be truly lesbians, why on earth do they need dildo’s? Just asking.