Category Archives: Relationships

Posts on relationships, love, hate and everything in between

Going Houdini – Annoying Men

So here’s the thing: I haven’t seriously dated anyone in two years. I’m not counting the year I spent with Lover A as a relationship. No, it wasn’t a relationship; it was a waste of time. Moving on…

People usually tell me that I’m pretty and smart and other delightful things. I look in the mirror every morning and I agree. I’m not at all bad to look at. But some way, somehow, I always attract the wrong kind of guys. Guys that want company when they don’t have a better option, guys that ask you to help them with picking out stuff for their new apartments, guys that take you out and are all chummy with you but never ask you out, guys that just want to have sex, guys that don’t know what they want but want you to be with them in their cluelessness, etc. You may say, “Maybe it’s the way you carry yourself.” Or “Maybe you’re so good a friend they don’t want to ruin it with a relationship” or even, “At least your market is selling”. Before you tell me that in the comments, just know now that I think it is bull. I’ve thought about it and think that good men are just truly hard to find. Just like how original Ray Ban wayfarers are hard to find.

Anyway, today’s post is mostly about Mr. Wonderful. Mr. Wonderful hit me like a train! Charm, looks, sense of humor, everything! Just when I was confident that I had finally begun to attract the Mr Rights of this world, Wonderboy pulled a Houdini on me. I was stunned and was in my disillusioned state for a couple of days. In those couple of days, I read almost every blog post on dating sites about Houdini men, I cried every night, I imagined and sometimes dreamed my phone was ringing when it wasn’t. I replayed every single conversation we had in my head, asking myself where I acted or said something to turn him off. In fact that same week, I had already started receiving therapy from a friend of mine when Mr. Wonderful reappeared blaming his disappearance on work. He apologized profusely wondering why I was so mad;

imagine! As if I was the crazy one!

Please, people of God, am I crazy for being worried about Wonderboy when he disappeared? Should I have done nothing instead of calling him twice (without him picking or returning) OR should I have blown his phone up and out of this galaxy?!

And more importantly, how do you propose I make Mr Wonderful atone for his sin?!

Scarlet Writes: Come and Chill Theorem

So I was reading a book this afternoon titled; ‘The 2nd Book of General Ignorance‘. It’s basically facts, events and stuff you think you know but are actually wrong.
And for some reason this got me thinking about Men and their ways with women folk and this came to mind

……………………………………………………………………………………

The ‘come and chill girl‘ Vs. The ‘let’s go on a date girl
At what point in a man’s mind those he categorize a girl into one of the two categories. Why I ask this? Simple. I am a victim of the lesser attractive category!! Lemme explain
  1. I love to chill, I am probably the chillest girl, you’ll ever meet and I also know a lot of chill women, that are now forced to act a certain way, because words like ‘Ladylike’ and socially (un)acceptable start popping up!! And the most annoying ‘Dress how you want to be addressed’ blah blah blahh.
  2. I LOVE Video games! Playstation, Xbox, etc.
  3. I love to sit back with junk food and watch  movies ALL DAY ,I wouldn’t even mind indulging in some mild psychedlics while watching a movie or even making one… *Wink wink*
    Or if you like,I cld just sit down with a bottle of coke and have a conversation.

I am mellow like that! I can be indoors for a month and not go out…
THIS IS A PROBLEM…..do u know why?

A lot of guys, Pick up on this, the moment they meet me and now almost every guy wants a girl(me) to come and chill! And no it’s NEVER the kind of chill you have in mind. It really grinds my gears,when I meet a guy I actually have a connection  and the next thing he says after some hrs of mind simulating conversation is; ‘Come to my house’
Urrggh! What happened to wooing? You know the good old days..
MEN ARE EITHER GETTING LAZY OR JUST MEAN!
I also like to go out,to the mall, go to the beach, go to a sports bar and watch soccer..its fun!

What happened to taking a girl out, just because u like her, none of that pretentious ish because you want to get into her pants… I am not talking chinese, sharwama, asun, pizza or LOUD irritating music and spending hard earned naira on clubbing.. I am talking blowing a girl’s mind and that’s not just the sexual aspect, I mean taking her to see the Premiere of Man of Steel, because you know she loves movies, buying her the limited edition of something she’ll appreciate, having an author sign her favorite novel.
I know a lot of women, that behave a certain way all because they don’t want to be ‘Come and chill’ zoned.

What is the ‘come and chill’ zone?
NEED YOU ASK?
Men are scared of meeting ‘chop clean mouth girls’ and I get that.. Totally. But before you decide to ‘come and chill’ zone a girl, know her well. The fact she is all calm doesn’t mean you can’t just surprise her or don’t you want to be seen with her in public? She can’t be that ugly naa, something drew you to her at first and we both know it wasn’t just ‘junior’. Lol
The ironic thing is y’all meet the chop and clean mouth girls and make her a ‘go out on a date’ girl.’Wife material’ sef. Then meet the chill mellow girls and just zone them, all because she seemed easy or rather she made things easy for you. It that fair???
Or the worst you don’t even look at the come and chill girl’s way, then later when you are stuck with ur ‘chop and clean mouth girl’, you are wishing she was chill and mellow. And you start complaining!!! MEN…and WOMEN! It’s almost like when women friend zone nice guys and chase after standard bastards.
This life is just a steaming pile of rotten beans!Self-Sabotage is almost second nature at this point.. It’s like we set ourselves up to fail, then start whining! I hate when I meet a guy and he says ‘Ah! You are the girl of my dreams, you love movies, games and even watch soccer, you don’t have a problem with my drinking and smoking.. Then I start feeling all kinds of awesome. Then you see the girl he is attracted to and she is so High maintenance, you wonder if she takes a dump!
So this is probably the shortest thing I have ever ranted about…so Men!
What’s the deal?! Cos I honestly cant be what I am not cause I want you to treat me differently.So what do you think?xx
Scarlet 

Image credit to Date a white guy and MadameNoire

To set or not to set P

Hello, Scarlet here. How have you crazy kids been doing? ‘Miss me’? I missed you all 🙂
Had a crazy couple of weeks, but I am back now. And while I was away, I have been thinking a lot about our ‘p-choices’/’friends with benefits or whatever colorful names there are out there.

Being a single person has its highs, lows and rock bottoms. And contrary to popular belief, choosing to remain single isn’t always a choice thing. To each his own, abi?
Oh well, here are a set of rules I try to live by. These are my own rules, y’all are entitled to yours but like I said to each his own. However please read, contribute as best as you can, your comments are very much appreciated.
*aherm*
So so so… If you are a single person, and you are either getting it on a regular maybe you are in a close proximity P zone and you do not have high demanding job then you are the lucky one. (#np Youth- Daughter)
The rest of those who are having trouble maybe because ‘the land is dry’, or your p is far, he lives in Festac and you live in Ajah 5th roundabout, (Lagos and their endless LGAs. And lekki roundabouts? Even Epe,Eleko and that Sango place after VGC claims Lagos , I am tired!) I also feel sorry for you,it happens long distance p-setting can be so irritating. Why even bother? However any more talk on Lagos P-setting can and will not be done today. Ok ok, so I believe every single, ‘blood-dey-hot’ person must know this;

Rule #1 P is P!: Lemme explain…..it doesn’t matter how many times you get the P! Hell! The less the better, that leaves you craving more P. So it’s good, delaying gratification makes the experience that much intense than getting it on a regular. There is also the Law of Diminishing returns (for the ones that can relate). So even if you get it everyday, or once a month.. P is P, It’s all in your mind and your raging ‘whoremoans’ LOL. Try not to attach too much to it.

Rule #2: Some Ps are greater than others! Imagine,like 5 guys or girls are on your case,if you can juggle….I say go for it. You are an adult. Just remember to take the necessary steps. Protection is paramount, whether it’s your heart you are protecting or your ‘uglies’. Dexterity is a skill some lack(e.g. Me) so I like to make a scale of preference in a notepad (more economics) YES! I do that…bite me. So if that works for you, please, don’t be shy, get a note book, (speaking to the ladies now) write down names, likes, dislikes, hygiene; does he smell like sex or food? Or does he just smell? Does he chew with his mouth open? Is he certifiable (by that I mean are is he in need of psychiatric help)? Does he have a funny name that u can’t imagining screaming during *clears throat*(Names can be a deal breakers) I know its p, but once in awhile, you get to see them eat, shower and even cry (don’t ask) and in some rarest of cases meet a family member.
Arrange them in any order you like. Me, I want an orderly,organised life, sex inclusive, so I like to know where my problem is coming from. Some Ps are greater than others, the sooner you learn this the better. So you aren’t lying down there chanting ‘WTHell was I thinking, wthell was I thinking’ while he jack-rabbits his way to the end.

Rule #3: Not everyone deserves your P! This goes for both men and women! I know being single is HARD and like I said b4 bodi dey hot… Ladies,you know when you have had a long day and you just want to go home and have your feet rubbed or soak in a tub for two, or just cuddle? Oh men stop scoffing, I know there are days you want to go home and it feels like you stepped into a cliché Nollywood scene. Woman at the door to take off your jacket and help with your bag and shoes. Hot meal on the table with a cold beverage, a hot bath and maybe sex? But you settle for leftover refrigerated noodles (for those who don’t cook), a quick cold shower, too ease of the day’s stress and a boner, that personal assistant gave you cos of her ridiculously tight, short gown which of course you are probably too tired to tend to. It sucks (pun intended)
I know I digress and it’s sha difficult, but please please please. Your P is special, not everyone deserves it and this doesn’t in any way conflict with rule #1. Rule #1 talks about duration.

RULE #4 P-setting isn’t for everyone: P-setting is a contract,a mutual ‘psychic’ arrangement between two consenting adults to have sex with as little emotion as possible ( I say psychic because most times you are expected to just understand your F-buddy and not to ask too many questions or expect too much). A friend of mine told me something ‘If she can give her body,she can give her heart’ And I said ‘y’all must think women are mashed ripe plantain in human form. I have met STRONG women that DON’T CARE whether you call or text…Life goes on, you aren’t feeding them. And I know CLINGY, whiny men, so its an individual thing. If its too hot, get out of the kitchen!
I.E. if setting- P isn’t not your thing, don’t do it.

WARNING!!! DO NOT FALL for a P! Because you have been P-Zoned, you aren’t the custodian of the mumu button. In fact, chances are you’ll never find it, so just keep it fun and physical. So on that note, I bid you farewell. I hope I have been able to help, in your quest for ‘love, sex and others…*aherm* Jara ‘ things in this ever competitive world…. E no easy oh! Have a fun hump day

*wink*

xoxo

Scarlet

Legal and Binding

Not just by word of mouth; of course that isn’t binding anywhere

I heard this a few weeks ago and it made me laugh sadly. Of course, it was at a work thing where everyone was being all serious and weird, but still. Is this true? Do words mean nothing at all anymore? So then, what is the basis of relationships now? Does trust still exist? And I mean
trust, as in, trust, in the real sense of the concept.
For example:
Miss A tells her boyfriend, “I’ll be going on a two-day trip. I may not be reachable, but I’ll be back on Thursday.” Is it possible that his only worry is that she stays safe and comes back in one piece?

For example:
“Baby, I was only blowing out dust from that lady’s eye. She means nothing to me.”
If your husband told you this, would you believe it without a few bags of salt?
Oya, be honest, if you were in either situation, would you take you partner’s word for it? And seriously, if dating couples can scoff at this, is there truly any point in proceeding on to marriage?

Yes, yes, lately I’ve been asking way too many questions, most of which only Da Lord Himself can answer. I really can’t help it; the mind wanders, you see. Also, sharing all this weirdness makes me just a little bit less crazy. Somewhat. Kinda. Probably not, but it’s worth a shot 🙂
Back to the matter, if trust no longer works, then there is definitely a lack of intimacey somewhere, brought on by poor communication. If there is no communication in a relationship, can love thrive? Last? Exist?
Sigh.
I sense I should stop. That helpless feeling is pulling my shoulders down.

P.S.
Maybe this gloom was brought on because when I wrote this down, I was still feeling the disappointment that comes with non-consumption.
Maybe it’s just the alcohol withdrawal talking.

P.P.S.
Erm… or something.

Ciao, darlings!
@msmeddle