Category Archives: Featured

Posts of the week

Going Houdini – Annoying Men

So here’s the thing: I haven’t seriously dated anyone in two years. I’m not counting the year I spent with Lover A as a relationship. No, it wasn’t a relationship; it was a waste of time. Moving on…

People usually tell me that I’m pretty and smart and other delightful things. I look in the mirror every morning and I agree. I’m not at all bad to look at. But some way, somehow, I always attract the wrong kind of guys. Guys that want company when they don’t have a better option, guys that ask you to help them with picking out stuff for their new apartments, guys that take you out and are all chummy with you but never ask you out, guys that just want to have sex, guys that don’t know what they want but want you to be with them in their cluelessness, etc. You may say, “Maybe it’s the way you carry yourself.” Or “Maybe you’re so good a friend they don’t want to ruin it with a relationship” or even, “At least your market is selling”. Before you tell me that in the comments, just know now that I think it is bull. I’ve thought about it and think that good men are just truly hard to find. Just like how original Ray Ban wayfarers are hard to find.

Anyway, today’s post is mostly about Mr. Wonderful. Mr. Wonderful hit me like a train! Charm, looks, sense of humor, everything! Just when I was confident that I had finally begun to attract the Mr Rights of this world, Wonderboy pulled a Houdini on me. I was stunned and was in my disillusioned state for a couple of days. In those couple of days, I read almost every blog post on dating sites about Houdini men, I cried every night, I imagined and sometimes dreamed my phone was ringing when it wasn’t. I replayed every single conversation we had in my head, asking myself where I acted or said something to turn him off. In fact that same week, I had already started receiving therapy from a friend of mine when Mr. Wonderful reappeared blaming his disappearance on work. He apologized profusely wondering why I was so mad;

imagine! As if I was the crazy one!

Please, people of God, am I crazy for being worried about Wonderboy when he disappeared? Should I have done nothing instead of calling him twice (without him picking or returning) OR should I have blown his phone up and out of this galaxy?!

And more importantly, how do you propose I make Mr Wonderful atone for his sin?!

The Scarlet Diaries: Sapiosexuality

Life wasn’t always this weird. I mean, I had everything sorted out, meet a tall handsome man and just marry. I was simple, no complications and life couldn’t be any better.

Then the computer age began, thus the rise of geeks and sapiophilia began.
Computer Programming, humans writing symbols, codes and creating virtual realities. Oh wow!
Abbreviations like MSc, PhD, LLM, MBA, Mtech, MEng are now panty droppers or worse, he says he is a Pilot and you just start taking of your clothes. LOL!!

What is Sapiophilia? Simple. Sexual attraction to Intelligence.
Like we are not in enough trouble, it’s bad enough, I am watching Spartacus and screaming like a banshee, cos of all the hot bods, or drooling when I see David Beckham or any shirtless hot man
But now I have to deal with intelligence as well?! Sheeeeet!

When I first heard of the words sapiosexuality, I thought it was a ridiculous notion.
So he knows the name of every American President’s wife, can tell you the history of Nigeria; how Lord Lugard’s Mistress named this “great country” of ours, he can recite the entire periodic table, He is google in Human form……Big whoop abi? WRONG!
There is nothing worse than an intelligent man. However, a good looking intelligent man is a bonus. If he can speak more than one Language, it is finished cos you just know he has a flexible tongue.

The other day I was talking to a friend and she going on about some man she met; Tall, yummy (the Package) he attended some world class Business School and speaks English, French, Spanish and Igbo fluently, and how she just turns into a puddle of herself when he is around and I am flipping out in my mind. WTH!!! Not you toooo!!!!!

WE ARE DOOMED! *pulling hair*
GADDAMNIT! Its an epidemic, I beg u Women; FLEE from these men! It is no joke oh!

Now I would rather watch ‘Quest means Business’ or ‘Piers Morgan LIVE’ than ‘The Soup with Joel McHale’ on E!! (Or is it the British thing?!)
NAAA!!!
(Sidenote, I also watch Amanpour)
Its an Epidemic! Sapiophilia is REAL!!
That’s why a Show like ‘The Big Bang theory’ is now one of the funniest comedies right now,

There are more than 450 adaptations of Sherlock Holmes in books,movies and TV
Shows like SUITS just makes you hot and bothered,minus the well dressed delicious men and women, its all that LEGAL gibberrish. HOT!
Harvey Specter; The Best closer in New York. PLEASE OPEN ME!
Mike and his eidetic memory… Hot!Hot!Hot!

Who remembers how weirdly attractive. We found ‘Alan Shore (BostonLegal) and Theodore Bagwell (Prison Break)

*fans self*
*drinks chilled coke*

The Geeks have risen and they are not backing down. I was having a conversation with a full blown NERD the other day and by having a conversation, I was just staring at his mouth move, while he rattled on and on, jumping from one topic to another and I just wanted to sit on his face, so he could recite Nigeria’s states and capitals backwards, like he claimed he could… *aherm*

And I know he can….oh Yes he can
*aherm*
This is a warning!

Sapiosexuality is REAL and dangerous. Mind stimulation is the greatest turn-on.

You’ll just realise you really don’t have ‘a type’ and you are reading books just to keep up with his ‘massive’ intellect.

You know that saying ‘I want to pick your brains’
Well it just became very sexual

Remember Biology….the central nervous system, Autonomic Nervous systems, Chemical Synapses?
Your Brain is where it all goes down, then travels down your spine and sends ‘messages’ to every nerve ending in your body! (Neurons, synapses responding to stimuli)
YUP! They are on to us. They are no longer shy and antisocial. The winner takes all,
Cos like I always say, it’s all in the mind
Pretty boys are an added advantage, Hot body….. JACKPOT!
The weirdest and most disturbing thing about sexual attraction to a Geek, Nerd or Dork is… At first glance, they look normal, unattractive even and if you saw this same person on the street, you wouldn’t even give him a second glance.
With his weird sense of fashion and probably his geek rims, they know this, so you know what they do, they proceed to have a conversation with you

NOTE: When I say Geek, Nerd, Dork. I am not talking about just vast knowledge of Video games, comics and Pop culture, I am talking Philosophy, Anatomy, Geography, Politics, History. The Proper book worm.
As soon as he opens his mouth,your brain instructs you to start Kegel exercises in that instant! Because this Dork is getting lucky and you don’t even know it yet. CHECKMATE!
Mind Stimulation!! Women! Its all in the mind!

Pray to God in Heaven, you do not encounter one. Ahh! Oh yeah..Have an awesome hump day….

xoxo
*Scarlet needs to jump in the shower*

Miss Meddle’s Mind: So You Think You Can Date?

Be careful what you wish for, ‘cos you just might get it. And when you do, it may not be all you cracked it up to be.

So you get to that point in your life when you feel you’ve fooled around long enough, and it’s best for your health to try to have an actual relationship. OK. Enter possible partners. Watch yourself fixate on the absolutely intolerable habits of each new person who comes your way.

[unordered_list style=”red-x”]

  • This one smokes, and doesn’t look like someone who appreciates drastic lifestyle changes.
  • That one is of a different religious inclination and you simply cannot put up with such a wide gap in belief systems.
  • Bobo e has an eye that positively glints when anything female passes within a 50 mile radius.
  • This sisi will run you into an early financial grave if given half the chance.

[/unordered_list]

Dating
Wouldn’t this be awesome?

An alternate title for this post would be: The Big “But”.

You find someone who seems relatively normal, who is of the same religious inclination, who you are certain you could introduce to your family at some point down the line without being laughed out of the house, someone who meets at least some of your physical specs, a creature with tangible goals and visible struggles to attain said goals, but

But he doesn’t make you laugh, or she doesn’t turn you on (this is me making a joke; this is near impossible for a healthy man), or he’s unforgivably short, or she has a cruel H-factor accent…

sabotage

Another title for this post could be “Self-Sabotage”.

What is the problem, really? Is your little “reason” enough to let go of a rather “okay” person? Or is it something else? Maybe a little more baggage than most? Maybe just a fear of the unknown? An unwillingness to try out something… someONE new?

Sigh.

This weird post is really just me trying to figure out some things. And also find out if anyone out there goes through such complications in the Man-Woman things of life.

P.S.

God grant us all the patience to sift through possibilities, the tolerance to endure the compromisable, the strength to walk away from the destructive, and the wisdom to tell the difference.

Cheers,

@msmeddle