All posts by Miss Meddle

Maybe I Should Kill Myself…

You’re not ready to love me, but you would rather die than have me take my love.
What is that? You want to give “it” time, discover me, and test out just how real my feelings are.
But I have said it, I have shown it, I have laughed it girlishly in your ears, sung it huskily into your chest, etched it out in kisses on your soft hair, you have heard it beat with the pulsing of my heart, where your head lay, cushioned in my bosom.
There is evidence of my affection in the way I chat with you, send you pictures of myself when you don’t even ask, call you as often as I can, struggle to text you because you love text messages, even though I don’t any more.

Uncle, KILODE?!

Lightning won’t strike out the letters “She really loves you, mahn” in the sky, a strange old lady won’t stop you in the street, clutch you by the hand and be like,

“Child, there’s a girl in your life.

Joy. She really loves you. You must be with her forever.”

Life is not a Wale Adenuga production, thankfully. It will not happen.
No matter how forward and honest I am, you are still the man. I can’t do it all.

Maybe I should kill myself, literally.

Then, when everyone gathers to say what a saint, what an angel, I really was… Maybe then it’ll hit you in retrospect (isn’t she a bitch), how much I really wanted to just be happy with you.


Ms Meddle


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Legal and Binding

Not just by word of mouth; of course that isn’t binding anywhere

I heard this a few weeks ago and it made me laugh sadly. Of course, it was at a work thing where everyone was being all serious and weird, but still. Is this true? Do words mean nothing at all anymore? So then, what is the basis of relationships now? Does trust still exist? And I mean
trust, as in, trust, in the real sense of the concept.
For example:
Miss A tells her boyfriend, “I’ll be going on a two-day trip. I may not be reachable, but I’ll be back on Thursday.” Is it possible that his only worry is that she stays safe and comes back in one piece?

For example:
“Baby, I was only blowing out dust from that lady’s eye. She means nothing to me.”
If your husband told you this, would you believe it without a few bags of salt?
Oya, be honest, if you were in either situation, would you take you partner’s word for it? And seriously, if dating couples can scoff at this, is there truly any point in proceeding on to marriage?

Yes, yes, lately I’ve been asking way too many questions, most of which only Da Lord Himself can answer. I really can’t help it; the mind wanders, you see. Also, sharing all this weirdness makes me just a little bit less crazy. Somewhat. Kinda. Probably not, but it’s worth a shot 🙂
Back to the matter, if trust no longer works, then there is definitely a lack of intimacey somewhere, brought on by poor communication. If there is no communication in a relationship, can love thrive? Last? Exist?
I sense I should stop. That helpless feeling is pulling my shoulders down.

Maybe this gloom was brought on because when I wrote this down, I was still feeling the disappointment that comes with non-consumption.
Maybe it’s just the alcohol withdrawal talking.

Erm… or something.

Ciao, darlings!

Miss Meddle’s Mind: So You Think You Can Date?

Be careful what you wish for, ‘cos you just might get it. And when you do, it may not be all you cracked it up to be.

So you get to that point in your life when you feel you’ve fooled around long enough, and it’s best for your health to try to have an actual relationship. OK. Enter possible partners. Watch yourself fixate on the absolutely intolerable habits of each new person who comes your way.

[unordered_list style=”red-x”]

  • This one smokes, and doesn’t look like someone who appreciates drastic lifestyle changes.
  • That one is of a different religious inclination and you simply cannot put up with such a wide gap in belief systems.
  • Bobo e has an eye that positively glints when anything female passes within a 50 mile radius.
  • This sisi will run you into an early financial grave if given half the chance.


Wouldn’t this be awesome?

An alternate title for this post would be: The Big “But”.

You find someone who seems relatively normal, who is of the same religious inclination, who you are certain you could introduce to your family at some point down the line without being laughed out of the house, someone who meets at least some of your physical specs, a creature with tangible goals and visible struggles to attain said goals, but

But he doesn’t make you laugh, or she doesn’t turn you on (this is me making a joke; this is near impossible for a healthy man), or he’s unforgivably short, or she has a cruel H-factor accent…


Another title for this post could be “Self-Sabotage”.

What is the problem, really? Is your little “reason” enough to let go of a rather “okay” person? Or is it something else? Maybe a little more baggage than most? Maybe just a fear of the unknown? An unwillingness to try out something… someONE new?


This weird post is really just me trying to figure out some things. And also find out if anyone out there goes through such complications in the Man-Woman things of life.


God grant us all the patience to sift through possibilities, the tolerance to endure the compromisable, the strength to walk away from the destructive, and the wisdom to tell the difference.



The X List

Show of hands, how many of you also feel like Vinnie my man is gauging the size and weight of a pair of boobs? Anyone? No? Nobody? Really? OK
Most people who know me well know that virtually everything holds a double meaning for me. How I carry on normal conversations each day without laughing out loud or going “Oouuh” in a meaningful way is really beyond me.
In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, love, romance and (let’s face it), gbainshing, I decided to share my point of view with y’all. ‘Cos I’m just that nice. Or is it naughty? Only Santa can tell, and the guy isn’t even real. Conundrum.
It’s so bad that a friend and I have a steadily growing list of words which we absolutely cannot say to each other; they are just that dirty in a coded way. Here’s a rundown of some of them.
Hmm. My uncle once repeatedly used this word and I felt my heart beat faster as I grew hideously uncomfortable. I couldn’t escape though; we were in a moving car that was straddling a small gully in the road *covers face*
Hot (Oouuhh)
Come (To be used carefully and with the right tone of voice)
Open (As above)
Penetrate (As above)
Head (smh)
Rub (Looooooooolz)
Rod *covering face and blushing*
Err… the list is endless o, and I sense a lot of people backing away slowly and giving me the fish eye. Let the matter rest here. Maybe it will rise (another one!) again some other day.
Feel free to share yours sha. Cheers.


Forgive me for the abandonment. Erm… Yes. Thanks. 🙂

His Majesty has imported another woman. Yes. While I want to welcome her and stretch out a hand of friendship”, as they say, I also want to remind him of Lola Shoneyin’s The Secret Lives of Baba Segi’s Wives. He thought he was extra masculine by surrounding himself with his wives and their numerous kids. Turns out, none of said children were his.
*e-vil laugh*


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Single Nigerian Meets MissMeddle – Literally…

Single Nigerian Man exposed at last
My darlings who no longer love me – if ever at all you did… I have gist. Fresh, hot, beautiful gist.

After our initial meeting, I was finally granted permission to meet His Majesty!! Let me give you the breakdown of how it all went down.

So then, there we were staring at each other, trying to match real life to all the chats and texts and calls and pictures. Then came the awkward moment. My mental calculator was rapidly measuring whether or not to hug him, if I should give him a side hug filled with shoulder blade, or bless him with a full frontal. Our guy, meanwhile, was peaceably leaning in for a bear hug.

So we ended up having a weird semi-full frontal (does this make any sense?!!). So, that little bridge safely crossed, we proceeded to sit down and argue over possession of the tv remote. That over and done with (I won, yay me!), we stared alternately at the tv and at each other.

OK, I must confess that this was when I began prattling on a bit. Yes, I yammered on about the inconsequential for a few minutes. Sigh. I was nervous. Personally, I’m much more comfortable with our virtual friendship and vague promises of meeting at undefned points in the future. I wasn’t sure I really wanted to be in the same room with him…

So we crawled along conversationally, with a few scattered laughs for extra flavour. At some point, your man made a comment about how I didn’t even seem happy to see him. Quite calmly, I explained to the individual that I could only be happy to see him if we’d had a prior meeting. As it was, he was lucky I opened the door, gave him the bony hug and let his feet cross the entryway.

All in all, though, it wasn’t a bad meet. I have finally met the invisible man. Congrats to me.


Dear Majesty, to protect your reps, I will not tell them about that weird comment you made. You know the one.


He also asked if I had any blogging gist for him. Little did he know that I would come up with this. Aren’t I evil?