Scarlet Writes: Celibacy

I just want to have sex. It’s been 5 months now and at this point, I have gone numb all over. A cold shower is now the equivalent of wild, inhibited, primal nookie. A hot shower is the same as long walks, speaking sweet nothings and indulging in little pleasures like Rum, butter scotch flavored ice cream, chocolate cake or milk chocolate. Oh yeah, that is the most action I have had in all 5 months.

You know when I made this pact, it seemed like a pretty smart idea. Stay off sex for 6months. I was sure I could do it!! But by the third month, I was seeing red. This coupled with the fact that my lips had forgotten what a kiss felt like, or the wonders a hand was capable of! *sigh*

Well I survived up until month four when the universe decides to toy with me.


All he did was pay me a complement and my brain shut down,for the next 2 hours I blacked out!

So back to my Topic, the one I always had in mind


Myth or possibility?

Can someone who is active sexually be celibate?My honest opinion? Laugh.Out.Loud

Sex will FIND you, Be very Afraid! Its impossible, maybe a monk could pull it off, but kids of today? Ha!!!

A camel has a better chance of passing a needle’s eye, no one and I mean no one is fully celibate. Reminds me of that movie 40 days, 40 nights (My inspiration for this madness); the movie where yummy Josh Hartnett gives up sex for the Lenten period because for some reason, whenever he is having sex it seems like there is an earthquake in the room and the walls are closing in on him, that is crazy awesome (In my opinion. But what do I know?). I went celibate for 8months with no reason, to no point and purpose!

I digress…

Well he lasted up to day 39, plus that was a movie.

In real life, no frigging way because the flesh is way too weak, unless you are asexual like some chick i knew that hates sex, lets forget that topic, it is too ‘morbid’ for this talk.

No one can every truly be celibate there must be some sort of outlet

Some people turn to hobbies; writing,reading, etc. But at some point sex will catch up with you. Some spank the monkey, polish the knob; can’t think of any other phases to describe it (they masturbate). Now this act was an abomination some twenty years ago but for some reason, it’s now acceptable to choke the chicken, slap the salami, dig for clams, ’just reading mom’, whack the saddle, stroke the magic lamp, audition the finger puppets.. WHOA!!! Google has alot of phrases to describe this act.

So the million dollar question; Can you claim to be celibate while choking the bishop, shaving the carrot, cleaning the rifle, enagaging in safe sex, greasing the pole? Seriously though the names are endless…

And the answer is NO!

Celibacy is not as easy as u might think, even a virgin that masturbates isn’t celibate. A friend of mine claimed he was celibate for a whole year and he doesn’t masturbate and I laughed in his face. So u didn’t have sex for a year big whoop but to say u were celibate, because you didn’t engage in a physical relationship with the opposite sex is just laughable. Puuuhlease don’t deceive yourself, you were having sex with yourself (technically).

As for people who claim not to touch themselves, you might as well start wearing spandex with an alphabet on chest ,cause that’s definitely a ‘superpower’’!