To set or not to set P

Hello, Scarlet here. How have you crazy kids been doing? ‘Miss me’? I missed you all 🙂
Had a crazy couple of weeks, but I am back now. And while I was away, I have been thinking a lot about our ‘p-choices’/’friends with benefits or whatever colorful names there are out there.

Being a single person has its highs, lows and rock bottoms. And contrary to popular belief, choosing to remain single isn’t always a choice thing. To each his own, abi?
Oh well, here are a set of rules I try to live by. These are my own rules, y’all are entitled to yours but like I said to each his own. However please read, contribute as best as you can, your comments are very much appreciated.
*aherm*
So so so… If you are a single person, and you are either getting it on a regular maybe you are in a close proximity P zone and you do not have high demanding job then you are the lucky one. (#np Youth- Daughter)
The rest of those who are having trouble maybe because ‘the land is dry’, or your p is far, he lives in Festac and you live in Ajah 5th roundabout, (Lagos and their endless LGAs. And lekki roundabouts? Even Epe,Eleko and that Sango place after VGC claims Lagos , I am tired!) I also feel sorry for you,it happens long distance p-setting can be so irritating. Why even bother? However any more talk on Lagos P-setting can and will not be done today. Ok ok, so I believe every single, ‘blood-dey-hot’ person must know this;

Rule #1 P is P!: Lemme explain…..it doesn’t matter how many times you get the P! Hell! The less the better, that leaves you craving more P. So it’s good, delaying gratification makes the experience that much intense than getting it on a regular. There is also the Law of Diminishing returns (for the ones that can relate). So even if you get it everyday, or once a month.. P is P, It’s all in your mind and your raging ‘whoremoans’ LOL. Try not to attach too much to it.

Rule #2: Some Ps are greater than others! Imagine,like 5 guys or girls are on your case,if you can juggle….I say go for it. You are an adult. Just remember to take the necessary steps. Protection is paramount, whether it’s your heart you are protecting or your ‘uglies’. Dexterity is a skill some lack(e.g. Me) so I like to make a scale of preference in a notepad (more economics) YES! I do that…bite me. So if that works for you, please, don’t be shy, get a note book, (speaking to the ladies now) write down names, likes, dislikes, hygiene; does he smell like sex or food? Or does he just smell? Does he chew with his mouth open? Is he certifiable (by that I mean are is he in need of psychiatric help)? Does he have a funny name that u can’t imagining screaming during *clears throat*(Names can be a deal breakers) I know its p, but once in awhile, you get to see them eat, shower and even cry (don’t ask) and in some rarest of cases meet a family member.
Arrange them in any order you like. Me, I want an orderly,organised life, sex inclusive, so I like to know where my problem is coming from. Some Ps are greater than others, the sooner you learn this the better. So you aren’t lying down there chanting ‘WTHell was I thinking, wthell was I thinking’ while he jack-rabbits his way to the end.

Rule #3: Not everyone deserves your P! This goes for both men and women! I know being single is HARD and like I said b4 bodi dey hot… Ladies,you know when you have had a long day and you just want to go home and have your feet rubbed or soak in a tub for two, or just cuddle? Oh men stop scoffing, I know there are days you want to go home and it feels like you stepped into a cliché Nollywood scene. Woman at the door to take off your jacket and help with your bag and shoes. Hot meal on the table with a cold beverage, a hot bath and maybe sex? But you settle for leftover refrigerated noodles (for those who don’t cook), a quick cold shower, too ease of the day’s stress and a boner, that personal assistant gave you cos of her ridiculously tight, short gown which of course you are probably too tired to tend to. It sucks (pun intended)
I know I digress and it’s sha difficult, but please please please. Your P is special, not everyone deserves it and this doesn’t in any way conflict with rule #1. Rule #1 talks about duration.

RULE #4 P-setting isn’t for everyone: P-setting is a contract,a mutual ‘psychic’ arrangement between two consenting adults to have sex with as little emotion as possible ( I say psychic because most times you are expected to just understand your F-buddy and not to ask too many questions or expect too much). A friend of mine told me something ‘If she can give her body,she can give her heart’ And I said ‘y’all must think women are mashed ripe plantain in human form. I have met STRONG women that DON’T CARE whether you call or text…Life goes on, you aren’t feeding them. And I know CLINGY, whiny men, so its an individual thing. If its too hot, get out of the kitchen!
I.E. if setting- P isn’t not your thing, don’t do it.

WARNING!!! DO NOT FALL for a P! Because you have been P-Zoned, you aren’t the custodian of the mumu button. In fact, chances are you’ll never find it, so just keep it fun and physical. So on that note, I bid you farewell. I hope I have been able to help, in your quest for ‘love, sex and others…*aherm* Jara ‘ things in this ever competitive world…. E no easy oh! Have a fun hump day

*wink*

xoxo

Scarlet

Legal and Binding

Not just by word of mouth; of course that isn’t binding anywhere

I heard this a few weeks ago and it made me laugh sadly. Of course, it was at a work thing where everyone was being all serious and weird, but still. Is this true? Do words mean nothing at all anymore? So then, what is the basis of relationships now? Does trust still exist? And I mean
trust, as in, trust, in the real sense of the concept.
For example:
Miss A tells her boyfriend, “I’ll be going on a two-day trip. I may not be reachable, but I’ll be back on Thursday.” Is it possible that his only worry is that she stays safe and comes back in one piece?

For example:
“Baby, I was only blowing out dust from that lady’s eye. She means nothing to me.”
If your husband told you this, would you believe it without a few bags of salt?
Oya, be honest, if you were in either situation, would you take you partner’s word for it? And seriously, if dating couples can scoff at this, is there truly any point in proceeding on to marriage?

Yes, yes, lately I’ve been asking way too many questions, most of which only Da Lord Himself can answer. I really can’t help it; the mind wanders, you see. Also, sharing all this weirdness makes me just a little bit less crazy. Somewhat. Kinda. Probably not, but it’s worth a shot 🙂
Back to the matter, if trust no longer works, then there is definitely a lack of intimacey somewhere, brought on by poor communication. If there is no communication in a relationship, can love thrive? Last? Exist?
Sigh.
I sense I should stop. That helpless feeling is pulling my shoulders down.

P.S.
Maybe this gloom was brought on because when I wrote this down, I was still feeling the disappointment that comes with non-consumption.
Maybe it’s just the alcohol withdrawal talking.

P.P.S.
Erm… or something.

Ciao, darlings!
@msmeddle

Scarlett Writes: Window of Opportunity

Hello Everyone, Happy Post Holidays. I had this long post on how awesome my easter weekend was gonna be, because I had plans!!! Unfortunately, I spent all weekend in bed, alone all through the holidays. I am shocked! Oh Well. I figured you all deserve a story

I know today is Wednesday technically Tuesday because Monday was Sunday *errr* You catch my drift :). So my post today will be short and to the point.

*drumroll*

The ‘Window of Opportunity’
Y’all already know what the window of opportunity is but allow me to explain,

The window of opportunity is that period of grace we all(women) allocate that potential Lover, friend with benefit( before the benefits of course),You know that time when you wait patiently for said guy to ask you out on a date, a meeting and in some cases a ‘slam, bam thank you very much’…
So Ladies, How long do you keep your window of Opportunity ‘open’? Two weeks? A month?

FYI….this window could also be called a ‘box of opportunity’ or if I may be so bold; ‘The Goody Bag’

Ok. Imagine this, lemme break it down *in JT’s voice’
You meet a guy, you like him, he seems to like you but he isn’t taking the ‘let’s see a movie this weekend’ or ‘let’s have drinks this weekend’ hints. Its hella frustrating but you have to wait as a woman abi? Pffffft!
Well for me,I see a spark and I want to throw some fuel on that spark and see those flames ignite….FAST!
We aren’t getting any younger you know
So? I hint and in some cases I take the bull by the horn and I say “Hey! Wanna hang this weekend?” Yes!! I am that forward. It works for me. So when I close my ‘window’, it usually means that it has been toooo long and I cannot categorically explain my disappointment in this guy in question.

How long is too long? I ask again…A year? 6months? Ehmmm… Is a year and a half too long?

I am ridiculously patient when it comes to the opposite sex and I am a firm believer of giving that guy the looooongest of ropes to hang himself (I.DO.NOT.LIKE.GAMES). So when I finally kick the chair from under him, he usually knows he has messed up and the space that used to have a window is sealed shut with bricks, cement and iron bars.

Why so mean? Because it is risky to make your intentions known, Some guys BOLT.. that whole macho thing, wanting to be in control of a situation, but some are smart enough to see the rest of this story as it unfolds.

When I make my intentions known (directly, indirectly depends on how I feel about this person) I start the timer and watch you get on that chair and knot your own noose, you’ll be begging me to put you out of your misery. Soon
Too much on the morbid analogy?….*sips chilled coke*
So, this happened to me
I met this interesting individual, by the second phone call we had,I knew he was getting lucky.
Problem, he wasn’t taking the bait
He was always too busy, Forgetful
But still he called occasionally and a lot of BBM convos about things I found interesting, I wanted this human being to ask me out, but he never did!!
I would put myself out there, he would say “OK,we’ll hook up”.
But weekend came, I would call/ping to ask what happened… Excuses! Excuses!!
STILL NOTHING.
A lot of Ok, k, kks, GTGs… endless BRBs
Dangling me on a hook, watching me squirm, I was frustrated, wanted to throw tantrums his ways at some point, but I held my own. After a while, I lost interest… Of course!!!
Then the Universe decided it was time to have some fun (loool).
Finally, I met him again at another gathering, this was 12 calendar months and even some more months later… and all of a sudden, he had ‘Tunnel Vision’ for me, (probably all that drinking). Suddenly he had the whole week open and could meet me up for drinks at anytime or movies. He was all over me,trying to get me alone, to some dark corner, I obliged. *watching him get up on that chair and tie the rope to a branch*

Finally he gets me to a quiet place outside, he sits opposite me, he saying how he is always so busy, but now he is wide-open, apologising blaa blaa blaaa.. Holding my gaze, saying how gorgoeus I looked, hoping for a snog et al *knotting and adjusting the noose around his neck*

Nothing.
He asks one last time; “Would I have been lucky then?” And I replied with my naughtiest smile….”Oooooh, you have no idea what you missed out on”…still smiling,I stroked his thigh, oh so slowly, leaned closer, looked him straight in the eye, inches from his face and I slowly said…. “NEVER.GONNA.HAPPEN.YOU.HAD.YOUR.CHANCE”……

He had a priceless expression on his face, I stood up and as he moved out of my way, I walked away in my best strut! Never looking back, I imagined I was walking away from an explosion! IT FELT AWESOME!
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Was that Harsh? I think not…..
Any man that is too busy to see you, forgets his appointments with you isn’t a serious candidate for the goody bag!
Sad Guy up there might be looking for a million of things or just one thing, but his window closed. Life goes on.
I know my men, and I know if a man wants something, it could be the goody bag, the box or even the delight of your company.

HE WILL MAKE TIME, he will chase you to the ends of the earth if needs be, If he doesn’t?
then ‘Sis.. He isn’t that’s into you’! That’s gospel!
You probably didn’t hear it first here, but this is a friendly reminder.

So please, if you have stories and you are in a sharing mood, I would love to hear them
Have a great Hump day!

xoxo
Scarlett